The 20 Best Ways to Get FiredMature

1. Just don't go!

2. Get there by donkey, you're bound to be late, explain  that you're fighting global warming, and anyway, you love each other, when ever  possible.

3.Take three days off every week, it always works for me!

4. Every three or four minutes emit a very loud high pitched cry, peacock style. If two of you want to be fired, you could emit them back and forth to each other saying you're mimicking the mating ritual of peafowl.

5.Break a cup, go in search of a sweeping brush, nip out to the nearest bar and have a few drinks, return a few hours later saying you couldn't find one. Repeat daily for desied result.

6. Shoe shop assistants, persistently bring totally inappropriate shoes to customers, when someone sorts them out with a good pair, try to exchange one for an odd one before they leave the shop.

7.Burst into song six or seven times a day. Be sure to sing the whole song all the way through. For best results, Bohemian  Rhapsody /  Wuthering Heights as sung by Kate Bush.

8.Dress up every day as Plato, donning long robe and scroll, and tell your work colleagues that you want to make it clear that it's purely frienship you're looking for and this seeemed the best way to go about it.

9. Baker's assistants, replace flour with plaster of Paris.

10.Zoo Keepers, release all non dangerous animals and lock up as many visitors as you can!

11.Get a tattoo on your fore head saying "Fxck off!"

12.Hairdressers, shave your customers head starting from the rear until she realizes and starts screaming.

13. Doctors, prescribe all of your patients to listening to James Last and his orchestra what ever their condition. 

14.Portrait painters, exchange the face of the sitters with that of a cat, scorpion, antelope, which ever seems most appropriate.

15.Have lots of photographs of your favourite sheep and show them to people telling them their names whilst looking lustily at them yourself and licking your lips.

16. For nurses, tell the patient that they're ready to get up and about if you think that they can walk, when they're out of the way, get in yourself and go to sleep.

17. Stop washing and combing or cutting your hair, fingernails beard. Urinate into bottles and carry them home with you every night.

18. Take your pet cat, mouse, dog, horse in with you everyday.

19.Go in naked declaring yourself a naturist.

20. Tell all you work along side that you are working on a time machine so that you can see where your work place once was, grown over and no more. Really work on it all day, Paint pictures of the forest landscape you envision.


The End

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