20 ways to spend your last day on earthMature

1.Insist on an ancient Egyptian burial, ask your nearest and dearest to extract your brains through your nostrils and see how many of your family, friends, pets, servants, (if you have any,)  are prepared to die and be entombed alongside you to test their loyalty.

2.Watch every episode of your favourite soap opera so that you will probably feel like dying and will most certainly deserve to.

3.Do all of those jobs you've been putting off!

4. Now's the time to try cocaine, opium, all of those things you wondered about.

5. Get your insurance money for your burial a month before your expected date of death, go on a cruise, throw yourself overboard on your final day. It's about time fish ate you, plus, you cut out the middle men who charge you more than you ever had when you were alive, just  to throw you in a box and bury, burn it when you're dead!

6. If there is a hope of a cure, I'd say look into it avidly.

7. Stop smoking! You might succeed  without attacking someone.

8. Pester the man, woman of your dreams to give you the seeing to of your life, specifying your special circumstances.

9.Try going somewhere you've never been before, explore your local underground sewers for example.

10.Collect a spade, torch, drill and instruct your family to bury you with them just in case you're buried alive.

11 See if there's any way that you can be fossilized for prosperity there are companys that offer this service.

12. Write a list of complaints you have about your life which you would like to raise with God.

13. Buy a big shinney car on hire purchase, even if you can't drive.

14. Sell your internal organs on ebay.

15.Remind yourself that everyone else is going to die one day too, and gloat on it.

16.Steal your next door neighbours plants out of their garden and get your family to plant them on your grave, that'll show 'em.

17. Take part in grounbreaking experiments that could help save the planet and involve taking LSD.

18.Listen to Radiohead continually for at least a six hour stretch, you are now ready to leave this tortued world behind.

19.Say prayers for anyone you treated badly who has passed over to the other side, lest they hold it against you and tell God what you did.

20. It's never too late to take up Bingo!

The End

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