20 Ways to Prove You're a Tourist.Mature

  1. Take photographs of everything, especially mundane things like the loo in the hotel room.
  2. Speak very loudly - in English - to the locals... but... with a foreign accent.  That way, they're sure to understand you.
  3. Allow yourself to be overcharged for everything.  It's expected.
  4. Go into cathedrals, churches and basilicas wearing the minimum of clothing.  Ladies - cover your heads and you'll get away with it, even if you're just wearing a bikini top and shorts.
  5. Get very drunk on the local brew - especially in the mornings.
  6. Get arrested for getting drunk and disorderly on the local brew, any time of the day.
  7. Eat shellfish and end up in the Polyclinica Expensiva with salmonella poisoning.
  8. Sunbathe all day on the first day, sustaining 2nd degree burns because you're only using factor 2 sun cream (or better still, cooking oil) and end up in the Polyclinica Expensiva.
  9. Loudly complain about the fact that ''they don't speak English - you think they'd make the effort...''
  10. Complain about the food - it's too greasy/cold/spicy/bland.
  11. Search out the nearest ''English Pub'' (if from the UK)
  12. Complain about there being too many Germans/Americans/Japanese - delete whichever not applicable.
  13. Buy tacky souvenirs.
  14. Get drunk again.
  15. Get so drunk that you end up in the Polyclinica Expensiva and get arrested there.
  16. Fall in love with a local waiter/waitress.
  17. Sing Karaoke when you would never do so at home.
  18. Go on a walking tour over rocky ground wearing stiletto heels/strappy sandals.
  19. Complain that you haven't had a decent cup of tea since you arrived.
  20. Take a few more photographs you'll probably never look at again.
The End

34 comments about this story Feed