20 Ways to Prove You're a ChavMature

1. Take up heroin, speed, alcohol,  glue sniffing, horse tranquilizer addictions, a must for every "chav"

2. Talk like a black gangster from the east end of London, "innit."

3.If you're male, be sure your trousers hang down giving you the appearance of a toddler with a badly soiled nappy.

4.Wear fake, "designer" clothes that clash, preferably nylon.

5. Have no independent thought, that's a serious one!

6. Spurn education in all it's guises.

7. Swear when ever possible, between each word in every sentence is the recommended standard you would be expected to meet.

8. Become a fascist, again, a good all rounder.

9.Intimidate anyone who's different than you, (not in your gang.)

10. Climb on any inane bandwagon that will have you.

11. Be feared and despised by the middle classes.

12.Wear large, very large, white footwear.

13. Be in a gang.

14. Concrete over all things organic.

15. Spay yourself with everything that ICI has on offer in an effort to smell good innit.

16. Bleach your hair, then dye it black, then bleach it again, repeat the process until the desired effect is achieved.

17. Vandalize as many bus shelters and telephone boxes as you can, spray paint and marker pens are perfect for this. Be sure to urinate in them before you go!

18. Eat a dog turd for a bet.

19.Tattoo your neck with the name, "Sharon" and the date you met her.

20.Repeat inane catch phrases interspersed with profanities and enjoy the process.

 

 

The End

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