1. Drive a brown Nissan, or better still, a beige one.

2. Be a Cliff Richard or Julio Iglesias fan.

3. Eat nothing but plain omelettes, cheese sandwiches and white fish in butter sauce

4. Read nothing but Barbara Cartland or Danielle Steele.

5. Sit around knitting baby clothes even when neither you or any of your friends, relatives or anyone you know, is pregnant.

6. Think your ideal night out is staying in

7. Decide that the best adult education class you can take is in flower arranging

8. Think fluffy toilet seat covers are necessary

9. Wear flannelette pyjamas

10. Have to know what the weather is going to be like, even if you're not going anywhere, just so that you have something to talk about

11. Watch news channels 24 hours a day – just in case the weather isn't interesting enough

12. Never give your own opinion when somebody else's will do.

13. Go to bed every night at 10.30pm (after the news)

14. Have the same hairstyle all your adult life. (Sensible, with a side parting – always in the same place)

15. Call your children John and Mary.

16. Never be spontaneous

17. Say you don't like Indian/Chinese/Thai food even though you've never tried it.

18. Say ''I'm a creature of habit.'' and mean it.

19. Fill your bookcase with cookery books even though you don't ever try out new recipes

20. Wear sensible shoes.

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updated Jul 10, 2008 by Zachadams