A moment when you can see the past, the present and the future right in front of you and you need to move on.
It was a cold day in December, the sky was clear with no sings of snowing which made it seam like a perfect day. I was walking down the busy and noisy street surrounded by so many people, so many faces in the crowd. But there was one that made me stop and made my heart stop as well. His eyes, his big brown eyes, were looking at me through all that sea of people, just me. I couldn't breath, couldn't move and my eyes were trapped watching him. In that very moment, memories of him, of us kept flooding my head.
I remember his smile, his silly jokes,the sound of his voice, the taste of his lips and the smell of his warm skin. I still feel him, caress my hair and imagine him smile so gentle while he says "I love you". Those words echoing in my mind, now are sad words for me, words full of pain and so many memories. Like a pill, a drug that I've craved for so long, now I swallow the memories of him that I've once locked them up somewhere dark in my mind. Now he is free in my head and heart.
He was still standing unmoved in the crowded street watching me as I was watching him as well. At the same time, our bodies started to find their way through the crowd. Every step was closer to each other, and I could feel my heart beating faster and faster. Now if I reached my hand for him I could have touched his face, but I've stopped at the same time he did. Silence, silence was all a heard, the street noise just vanished, only the sound of my beating heart kept pulsing in my ears. Happiness, sorrow, joy, pain, love and hate fighting a war inside me, but for a second all those emotions were stoned by his only presence.
What if my hand reaches him? He will hold it for a second, he will smile, I will smile. In that very spot we'll be together again. A sad embrace that we longed for so long, then our lips will taste each other again, like the first time. The time will stop, the past, present and future will melt and create a perfect moment.
My dream disappeared in a second when over his shoulder I saw the boy I like now, and over my shoulder he saw his new girl. For the last time we looked at each other, we didn't say anything and we didn't smile. As we walked past one another our cold hands met and held for a moment, oh that short beautiful moment. We didn't look back, we just walked away and left the first love behind us. My tears, my pain, my memories painted in blue colors this love that I will keep safe in my heart.
I needed him.
I need him.
I will not need him anymore.