101 Deaths At HogwartsMature

A mini project between me and Sir Wayne.

Twins Tim and Jeff have just started at Hogwarts, only to witness a multitude of mysterious and creative deaths of their classmates...

Tim: So, Jeff. Where are we?

Jeff: I think we're nearing theForbiddenForest. And I also think we should turn back.

Tim: Come on! Where's your sense of adventure?

Jeff: Listen, I've heard stories from that big 'airy caretaker that there are bloody monsters in there! I'm not risking my skin, especially with the likes of you!

Tim: Well you've got a wand haven't you? Oh god, what was that noise?

Jeff: It's the bloody crow up there you nonce. You're just as scared as me and you know it, lets turn back lad.

Tim: No Jeff, really there's something ahead! Ew, whats this on the floor? It looks like...

Jeff: I think it's about time we  ran. And fast! I told you we should've never come around here! It's dangerous, what you call 'adventuring'!

Tim: Its always "Oh don't do this Tim, don't do that Tim"! Come on, this looks like some sort of silver blood. I'm following it. Go back to the caretaker if you want, but I want to see if what ever this is from is hurt.

Jeff: I always was the smarter one out of us two I guess. Well, I'm turning back, I'd rather not be butchered by what's up ahead.

Tim: Smarter? Come on then smartie pants. What has silver blood?

Jeff: You bloody well know I don't pay attention in our Mythical Creatures class! Erm... Oh! A pidgeon?

Tim: No you idiot. Unicorns! Unicorns have silver blood. Think how rare they are. And this one might be injuried.

Jeff: Well if it's injured then I don't want to encounted whatever injured it!

Tim: Fine. Lets go back to the castle. But we have to stop on tell the care taker there’s blood. Agreed?

Jeff: I suppose it is his job. You go tell him, you can explain all this mythical nonsense better then I can. I'll just go back to the castle and do something productive

Tim: Productive? You're never going to get a mobile signal to phone your girlfriend, Jeff.

Jeff: Oh, just go snog the caretaker, it's the only chance you'll ever get for romance!

Tim: Yeah right! That Ravenclaw lass, Bertha... She was was eyeing me up! Not likeI'm that bloody Gary Hotter... But I could still get chicks!

Jeff: Oh yeah like she's anything special. How many students do you think have entered her Chamber of Secrets, honestly?

Tim: Come on, she's just a first year like us!

Jeff: I'm telling you now lad, she's not intrested. I think you'd be better suited hugging trees. Now go on, skip along to your boyfriend caretaker.

Tim: Jeff... Now I'm being deadly serious. We need to run. Now. Slowly, look over your shoulder.

Jeff: I really hate you sometimes. Tim... Leg it!

Tim: Jeff, that thing was eating somebody!

Jeff: Oh you don't say? Bloody genius you are!

Tim: Jeff... What if that was a first year? It looked small enough to be one of us

Jeff: Well if it was then you tell the headmaster! Y'know, big beardy guy.

Tim: You can tell that guy. Professor Bumblebee, right? Where’s his office?

Jeff: Isn't it round the back of the botanical gardens?

Tim: The what gardens?

Jeff: The place with the plants you numpty!

Tim: Behind the greenhouses?

Jeff: That too...

Tim: That's whats known as couples corner! That ginger prefect told me earlier...Hang on,are you cheating on Victorie?

Jeff: What makes you say that??

Tim: Come on. If you've been round couples corner, you have to have gone there with a girl. You have to be with a girl to even get past the gates! Come on, I'm your brother! Tell me!

Jeff: Alright! I have to be honest. I might have been... going round with... B.. Ber... Bertha.

Tim: What? You... Shes not been looking at me across the hall? She was looking at you? What about poor Victorie?

Jeff: I didn't wanna say anything! And now I feel bad about Victorie. Maybe you deserve her...

Tim: Yeah... I understand how you put up with that accent of hers. Those lipswere so soft... I mean...! They looked so soft! 

Jeff: Oh slipped up there didn't you, bloody ponce!

Tim: Come on, we're identical! She thought I was you and well... I had to kiss her. She told me I'd improved and that she'd miss me and you. But bloody hell. She’s an amazing kisser Jeff.

Jeff: One, I'm well aware she's a good kisser. Two, you HAD to kiss her?! For god sakes Tim I thought you were better then this! Don't you know the meaning of restraint!

Tim: Jeff, she said I'd improved. That means I'm a better kisser than you. I'm glad I did it to be honest. She tried to strip off, so I reminded her we're only 12.

Jeff: Alright, I've had it with you! Bertha's a better kisser then her anyways! And Bertha thinks you're a crap version of me! So I believe I'm better off.

Tim: Bertha will see the light. But only if she can cut a hole in your ego.

Jeff: Like she'd ever do that, I'm amazing. You can't be me forever in front of Victorie, she'll find out eventually.

Tim:I intend to tell her you're cheating on her then be there as her shoulder to cry on.

Jeff: Oh so you can't get girls of your own so you steal one from your poor beloved brother? Yeah, you're more likely to move your shoulder at the last second and let them faceplant the floor.

Tim: Move my shoulder? Tell you what, why don't you move your shoulder and let me into the dorm?

Jeff: After you, little brother.

Tim: Fine!


And so the two boys went their seperate ways. But neither realised that what they had just seen was only the begining...

The End

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