You'll See.

This is also one of the first poems that I'd ever written, it's also dedicated to the person I will love until the day I die. Ti amo, Tesoro.

“You’ll See”

I could not expect even you to try to understand me now

 For if not even you who could?

That would be hoping for so much more than it’s worth

And to me the world is worth so much less

Isn’t it obvious from the erotic ways I act?

Or from the obscene words that I say here from time to time?

Or the secret things that I am feeling and those I am hiding from the world?

Or those that I am keeping from even you?

And the irresponsible ways that I seem live my life
Yet here I sit proud of my homicidal, yet beautiful lifestyle

I know that I am a complete mystery to your endless gaze

 But you can see straight through this worn disguise

You always could

And you still can

But I still can’t figure why it is that I still want you to hold me

After all that you’ve put me through!

Can you imagine that pain I felt? Or the loathing hurt?

Because of you I learned to love, and trust myself

And because of you, I learned that I can’t trust anyone else

And that you’ll always hurt me

You know that the one day I’ll tell you I’ll whither and disappear

I’ll fade into the dark abyss that is your ever-changing eyes

But still I will not cease to amaze you with my irrational curiosity

I’ll walk through the solid walls that had once held you at bay

Laugh at the things that you once feared

And find beauty, where you only saw darkness and flaws

But I think see it now

How we connect as two jagged pieces of the endless puzzle that is life

That’s where we are different you and I

I’m scared of death

I’m scared of living

Where you feel safe warm and at home

I am cold trapped and held prisoner by my own self-conscious fears

As I can love, to feel love and believe in the darkened meaning of the word

You cannot even compare to the aspect of which you refuse to believe in the very meaning of the word

You are afraid to share your warmth your light with another

So no I do not expect you to understand me no more than I can be expected to understand you

My friend.

As much as I’ve wished to tell you these things

I have not dared breathe a word

Don’t you see that it is you I fear

I fear the judgment you will lay upon me, as you do now

For if you see these words come from my cold trembling lips

I still will fear your darkening gaze

You don’t even know me, but you’ve known me for such a long time now

Can’t you see the strength I hold?

I can break the ties that bind me to your side

Whether I wish to be there or does my heart

Throw these shackles aside

Unlocking the chains and ropes that bind

I can dry these endless tears that pool at your feet

But I choose to love you for the simple fact of I do

Even with choice I’ll stay next to you no matter if you see me

Or you don’t

But to you this I vow I will make you see me one day

As I truly am a broken spirit

A dark sprite looking for the call to life

Someone who’s loved you for quite a while now but has gone unseen

And even if you cannot understand you soon shall see

 

The End

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