I wandered around for hours tonight,
In the crisp cool air of night time.
Watching the sun set behind clouds,
Of rain that threatens to come.
In the light that remained,
The sky was deep blue behind black silhouettes,
Of trees that rustled in dreamy winds.
And all the while I thought of you,
Of how much I wanted to call.
Of the love that I feel for you,
And the pain in knowing you don't care at all.
I had to restrain myself,
With the thought that you wouldn't answer,
If I had pressed the 'call' button,
Under your number and your name.
I knew that if you did listen,
I'd have chickened out anyway,
And never told you why I called,
Or why you were who I wanted.
To speak to you would cause more pain,
Which I cannot a this moment handle,
Because I let things build up inside of me,
And then like a dam they burst.
The feelings cloud my judgement,
I'm filled with tears and cries,
Of things I can't admit to you,
Or even to myself.
But when I look towards that landmark,
That shows I'm close to you,
I find myself imagining,
The crazy things I would do for you.
I would walk all that way for you,
And kneel at your door,
I would await you with flowers to hand,
And chocolates for sweetness too.
I spend each week waiting,
For when I can see your face again,
And I spend each night dreaming,
Of what I wish for me and you.
But in the end it's pointless,
Because nothing can ever change,
With you and me it's a fantasy,
Something that will never come true.
No matter how hard I wish it,
No matter what I do,
One thing will never change,
That I will never be loved by you.