it's anxious and heart-wrenching
and nothing that you'll ever want to repeat
but this was terrible and i hated it.
they ask us to stand up
when our identity is called out
and when they finally get to LGTBQ+,
i cannot breathe.
my chest constricts,
stomach a poolful of sharks,
i feel like choking and crying all at once
she calls it out.
and three people stand up.
my back presses against my chair,
like some part of me is trying to leverage me up,
up and to where my knees'd lock
nothing is fine, in that moment.
i feel like i'm about to throw up,
as though i'm just going to
curl up in a sobbing mess.
i curl my legs in a little.
i've come out to my parents and one friend,
but i don't know these people well enough.
i don't want to come out to my entire school,
i'm not ready
the part that scares me
is that i might not ever be.