a stammering thing where i try to explain something
why i write poems about loving girls
when i'm bi-romantic?
because sometimes it feels like
if i don't verify it,
it's going to get crushed.
crumbled into bits
by what i see around me
"Oh, so who's your crush?"
does not include the females
in my class.
i do this because i'm scared.
because every time i look at the world around me,
i see women loving men.
i see everything i don't know how to live with,
stereotypes shining strong and
it hurts, sometimes.
it hurts because my grandfather says "the homosexuals" like they're aliens,
it hurts because my uncle's still convinced my sister'll grow out of loving the same sex.
and as much as i wish
to be something other than i am,
i cannot be.
i am genderqueer.
i will not pretend to be anything less
for your prissy little ideologies.
i'm also bi-romatic.
i will love whoever i want to.
man, woman, NB.
i am still ace, too.
i don't want what i'm supposed to,
don't every want to have kids.
i still want to live by myself.
maybe date, i guess,
but i just want to live with my lizards.
and my chest constricts with the weight of it,
the potential for love,
for a love that could be hated.
god, i just want to be loved.
for who i am, for who i could be.
i don't want those insults to apply to me.
yes, i get upset when women can't wear
any type of hair or facial covering.
it's because that could be me.
i could be that person nobody wants to speak up for,
and years ago, i would be.
i'm still afraid of so much,
but i don't want to fear this.
i don't write poetry about boys nearly as much
just because i'm surrounded by it.
i figure i might as well shove some gay-love poetry into this world.
god knows i'll keep trying.
until someone like me
finally knows what it is to be normal.