Where Was I?

I was dealing with a few different confusing emotions when I wrote this.

It doesn't have one distinct topic so I'll leave you to find your own meaning in it. :)

Standing on the sideline after the game is finished,
Watching darkness gather in the pitch and wondering,
Contemplating the most useless and jaded ideas,
Sitting on the grass with a sad smile and letting a single thought come to the surface,
Where was I?

I’ve been asleep for so long, too long for it to be restful,
Waiting in confident anticipation for my time to come,
And now that it’s here, I can’t help but ponder,
Over selfish intentions and unhappy regrets that make no sense at all whatsoever,
Where was I?

In the time when dark solids blocked my path to care,
And watched me guiltily out of the corners of their eyes,
As I jumped like a marionette to capture their interest,
As I begged for their compassion, someone else begged for mine with such sincerity,
Where was I?

In that time of dark gloom so swift and overcoming,
Surreal moments I’ve only heard of in elapsed, sacred tales,
Staring hard at photographs with no comprehension,
Feeling an odd mixture of guilt, wasted time and disgustingly egotistical jealousy,
Where was I?

I ran once to my old diary and opened it up,
Chastising myself for things that were never my fault,
Flipping the pages with frantic desire and reason,
Muttering how badly I needed to know that I was doing something worthwhile then,
Where was I?

Am I really too conceited to enjoy the now?
Even when I know that my past links with this present,
Have I lost the where and the when that was needed?
I can only sit on this pitch and try to imagine the games that were played here then,
But where was I?

Dreaming, that’s where I was,
Just dreaming,
Maybe that wasn’t so bad,
We can’t ever capture the purpose we want.

The End

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