The other day I’m sorry to say
I swallowed an army frag grenade.
Now I know what you’re thinking
You might have an inkling
Into the nature of this badass charade.
Well let’s just say it was meant to be
A funny army joke
But it went from amusement
To utter bemusement
As I quickly began to choke!
My face turned red, purple and blue
And my eyes rolled back in my head
I collapsed to the floor as they watched in awe
As their army man looked to be dead.
I thrashed around both arms and legs
And coughed and spluttered and spat
But after five minutes (I’d nearly diminished)
The bomb in my throat sunk like a boat
To the depths of my delicate tum!
We all thought to ourselves that the acid and grime
From my stomach’d do all but erode it
But after a minute was a rumble and ripple
And the bloody great thing had exploded!
The bits and pieces, skin and gore
Splattered all over my mates
They got covered and blooded all over
Their clothes and looked like
They’d been at the paint.
“So sorry comrades, so sorry you guys
For causing that terrible mess!
Just promise me this ‘fore I take my dismiss
That you sew me up nicely, stitch me up good
And that is an order is that understood?”