The other day I’m sorry to say

I swallowed an army frag grenade.

Now I know what you’re thinking

You might have an inkling

Into the nature of this badass charade.

Well let’s just say it was meant to be

A funny army joke

But it went from amusement

To utter bemusement

As I quickly began to choke!

My face turned red, purple and blue

And my eyes rolled back in my head

I collapsed to the floor as they watched in awe

As their army man looked to be dead.

I thrashed around both arms and legs

And coughed and spluttered and spat

But after five minutes (I’d nearly diminished)

The bomb in my throat sunk like a boat

To the depths of my delicate tum!

We all thought to ourselves that the acid and grime

From my stomach’d do all but erode it

But after a minute was a rumble and ripple

And the bloody great thing had exploded!

The bits and pieces, skin and gore

Splattered all over my mates

They got covered and blooded all over

Their clothes and looked like

They’d been at the paint.

“So sorry comrades, so sorry you guys

For causing that terrible mess!

Just promise me this ‘fore I take my dismiss

That you sew me up nicely, stitch me up good

And that is an order is that understood?”

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