What I Live For

An angry rant that soon transforms into a passionate and soulful resolution.

I am tired of this APATHY! I am tired of the uncommitted, indecisive hoard of mild people who live in a wake of excuses, cop-outs, and vices, moving from one mindless stimulant to the next while twisting their personalities to allow themselves to fall from whatever standards they once held so that they may disregard their true beliefs by becoming hypocritical failures.

They don't let themselves dream for the fear of being let down. They don't let themselves change or grow for the fear of losing what they have. They don't exercise any discipline because their insecurities demand happiness while pigging out on easy satisfaction. They don't ask the difficult questions because they're frightened and won't admit it. They avoid the heavy truth by fabricating the fantasies while creating the hurtful negative by judgmentally picking apart the natural.

Insecurity is at the root of it all. They are driven by it. They bury it like poison beneath a layer of soil and are surprised when their plants can only grow so high.

I say: admit complete vulnerability. Realize the beauty of life's mysteries; life is not a puzzle to be solved. Be humble and never cease to grow. You can never fully understand anything unless you let it change you!

There is something else at the root of it all. It is the fear of effort. They view all effort as struggle. But life is an effort; you are growing, changing, becoming better at skills and talents, becoming an artist at your way of life, building a passion for everything: all of this takes effort--the process is an effort, and it is the process that matters: the process is the outcome. The result only tells you how well you did. And if it's an imaginary result that wasn't really earned, then it is meaningless.

But I have just realized something. I am writing this for myself, and for anyone else who wishes to strive for the same things as I do. I cannot compare souls. I cannot say that one way is better than the other. Many people may wish to enjoy lives of less consciousness and more random excitement, adrenaline, luck, and crazy parties with drugs and alcohol; they may wish to be controlled by urges, addictions, and by society itself; they may wish to live a ridiculous adventure where they have no bloody clue what's going on, and their life is a rollercoaster of emotions and struggles, successes and failures with every mistake a thrill.

Okay...so that leaves me with the others: the sheep--the apathetic, the mild, and the disinterested. Now how can I understand that? I mean, they simply do not care; they have no dreams, no ambitions, and no passion. So, in trying to understand them, I think about other beings that have as little care. Animals: okay...so how do these people compare to animals? Animals have peace, serenity, and freedom; they live purely in the moment without a pollution of thoughts. Right, so the people I am thinking of do not fit. They have all the complexities of regular human beings, and yet they just don’t care! It brings tears to my eyes.


And this leads me to a description of what I live for. I had said before that I was writing this for myself and for anyone else who was striving for the same things. So now it's time to say what it is I am striving for.

I am striving for growth in every area imaginable. I will never stop, never settle. My goals are not in words; they do not describe some place I wish to get to. They describe a way of life. They describe a rate of growth. They describe a dynamic state of being.

I wish to learn from everybody. I wish to learn from everything. I will not gather and hoard this learning, but I will fully experience the process of learning it, I will allow it to change me and my perspective, I will make it into something new, and I will share it with the world.

I am striving to find a way of life in the simplest of terms. It is not a list of activities for the day. It is a state of the soul that I will realize and gain so that I may live it to my dying days. It is a state of the soul that I will have even if I lose my memory. Losing my memory will simply be an excuse to live completely in the moment within an ever-changing adventure of experience.

I am striving to become a member of the human race. I wish to shed all personality, labels, and definitions. I am not a Canadian. I am a human being. I wish to open myself to the entire world. I wish to truly meet everyone who passes. I wish to shed all judgment of others, and to see the wonder in every being that I meet.

I wish to continually shed all habits, good or bad. I wish to continue to strengthen my awareness of life and to consciously make every decision. The programs in my mind will not run my life. I wish to free myself from the filtration of the mind, and to experience the real senses that come to me.

I am building a passion for life. I wish to shed all restrictions: never to say, "I am not that type of person; I don't do that." Having a passion for everything, I will try it all: open, willing, and adventurous.

I will practice the art of movement, to become free with grace and ease to move through the world and any environment. I wish to understand my body and to live in harmony with it. I wish to know what each muscle is doing when I move in any fashion. I will to discover the power of the mind to heal and to change.

I will to find an inner peace and happiness.

And what’s more, I will to inspire. I will to pass everything on to the people around me and the people who pass me by.

You may judge all this as ambitious, dreamy, or perhaps foolish. But what choice do I have? I refuse to be mild. I refuse to be ordinary. I refuse to be anything but me. I refuse to live for anything but my purposes, my dreams, and my passions. And so I’m holding nothing back in this piece of writing. I am laying it all on the line. This is what I am trying to do with my life. And yes, it is an incredible challenge. But that’s what I like about it. It’s an effort.

The End

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