Unattainable

Quite brutally honest and vulnerable to the point that I wonder if I should be sharing this at all. But I am, so please, don't think I don't realize how foolish it is to be baring my heart like this.

Unattainable

I do believe I have finally pinpointed why it is that I fall for the people I fall for.

All my life, I've had this complex, this
Inexplicable problem that, until recently, I didn't know how to express.

And when they asked me out, I would say "no," then ask myself, "Why did you say no? He is a perfectly lovely, desirable human being. Why did you say no?"

But still, I would say no -
And here is what I now know.

I fall for the unattainable ones.

Awhile back, I met a young man whose eyes were dear
And whose mind was clear
And had a compassionate heart, a
Listening ear.

I fell for him quite hard, and it seemed he could be "the one," for he and I, we shared common beliefs and a passion for life
that mirrored the skies
and reflected itself in our eyes.
And I truly wanted him...until he was mine.

The moment I realized my feelings were reciprocated, I backed away, for I no longer found him attractive.

After this happened several times, I sat on my bed and asked myself,
"Why?"
But when the answer came, I didn't want to know it.

I fall for the unattainable. The impossible. I fall for the ones whom I don't believe I could ever win - and if I do, the chase is over. Because that's what it's about - the chase. It's what I desire. I want to charm you until you're mine, but then, the chase is done, and I must move on. I cannot remain in one place
after the chase.

Please, understand - I don't want to be a heartbreaker. I wish things were different. You don't know how lonely I am in knowing I might never be able to love you back.

The End

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