TrustMature

I never knew what it was,

Until it was taken from me.

I could feel the fingers,

Wrapping tightly around me,

Stealing as I were peaking,

Taking away the numbing feeling

I’d need so badly.

Trust.

I used to eat trust whole for breakfast,

Spit at the lonely losers,

I was born an abuser

Why the fuck

Was their problem mine?

I would lavish in the feeling.

A drug of my choice,

My favorite high.

 

And then something happened.

Life happened.

Marriage happened.

Fucked if I know how.

Honestly. Trust happened.

I wasn’t looking.

It seeped in through the cracks.

I felt…happiness?

Or the like.

And then it was taken away.

All that trust,

That I didn’t even know was there,

Relaxed,

Soft,

Flaccid.

Pathetic.

…an easy target.

Goodbye trust.

Goodbye sadness.

Goodbye giving a god damned fuck.

 

Hello tequila.

Hello wandering around

On an abstract cloud.

Acting exactly as I please,

Keeping secrets with relative ease.

I was born an addict,

Addicted to the feeling of

Indolent reeling.

Addicted to the sin,

The push and pull

Of passion without love,

sex without the rest.

Hello feeling,

You numbing darling you,

I remember this.

I remember loving this.

Hello secrets.

Lining up for me,

Teetering slowly for me,

Dominos in twilight.

Hello darkness,

It’s been a while. 

The End

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