Troy Blevons begins to have stance dreams. Troy then recalls a night that happened before he was torn down by the grit and ruthlessness of his current job and contractual obligations.
The midnight I lost it all, my stomach was upset. I had that Thai place that claimed to be authentic but always made my stomach do flips, but since the manifestations started, I haven't been able to keep down much food. I have opted for that Thai food because even-though my stomach rumbles; it doesn't make me puke, it doesn't make me stay up, and the diarrhea is a minor price for the comfort of a full stomach. I have only been here about three months, but I have been miserable just about all of that time. Dr. Fromkin is a good friend and has been for years, I respect him professionally and personally. When I first started having the headaches he was there and offered all assistance, and for that I am forever in his debt. Initially I wanted to be quiet throughout this process, but Dr. Fromkin wanted me to write this diary and track of my progress. Daily I remember little things and this diary (of sorts) are it.
Now, at the beginning of this entry I stated that on this night that I lost it all, I don't remember the exact date that I lost it all. I do remember the feeling I felt, the way I looked in the mirror that morning after the route I took to the Thai place, after I started feeling better. I remember those things clearly and now. I will disclose them here. I must admit at times I may stray from the subject but I'll try to keep it together. So now back to how I lost everything. I was a ruthless businessman before the headaches and visions. I owned several apartment complexes and would terrorize tenants at will, mostly everyone I could spook. But there was this one tenant that I couldn't shake, his name was Mr. Oden. He had a nice military pension and lived a simple life. I was there one night demanding that the residents make their lawns more presentable. Either dressing them up in accordance to a specific holiday, or having a few small house plants on their balconies. I knew that Mr. Oden didn't like plants and since his children were grown, he didn't celebrate holidays. I went to his door and knocked five, hard, booming knocks. I stood there for what seemed like five minutes. I huffed and puffed and delivered five more knocks. I immediately heard the locks begins to quickly disengage, I perked up a bit since the knocks seem to have not been in vain. The door swings open the smell of Thai food and jasmine in-scents rushed my nose. I got a little hunger feeling that passed quickly but mentally transported me to The Pak Palace, which was the number one Thai place in New York City. I had went only four times. I loved that place and tried to go every time I was in New York for business or pleasure.
I would get back there only once more, but anyway, the smells have unique combination, but I canceled them out and channeled my anger. Mr Oden spoke with a gracious, "Hello, what is the matter sir? It's awful late."
I was always awestruck by his kindness, he was genuine and honest, and I wanted that not in an envious way. I guess you can say that this was the first time I saw I needed to change. I quickly got over his genuine kindness and screamed at the kind spirit, I started in harsh but genuinely stern.
"Why isn't your lawn ever decorated? I have sent you several notices. I need you to comply."
I intentionally stopped my sentence and waited for some excuse, but he just stood there giving me a blank stare. After about a minute I said, "Are you going to say anything?". Mr. Oden then shifted back and gestured for me to come into his apartment. I demanded to know why. "Why am I coming into your home?" Mr. Oden replied, "I have something to show you, you've demanded to know the answers to what you asked and you deserve an answer.”. I entered Mr. Oden's apartment and he showed me the signed agreement he had with Property Management that stated he would never participate in any holidays. I apologized and left. I was home when I received a call from Mr. Oden and he asked me to meet him at bar for a nightcap. After l said I was sorry again, I told him I'd be there. We arrived as the bar was closing, I told the bar keep he could leave and I'd close. That night, Mr. Oden shared with me his reasoning behind not celebrating the holidays. I told him I knew but my pride was too much to allow me to give up an opportunity to be mean. I told him how much I respected him and how much I looked up to him. I can remember Mr. Oden leaving the bar. I stayed, cleaned, and then left and went to my apartment in the city. I remember being to sleepy to drive back to my home in the country. I fell asleep quickly on the futon. I woke up roughly. I was sweaty, cold, and hungry, not a good feeling at all. I went to the kitchen, just to see if anything was in the refrigerator. As I got up off the bed, I thought I saw flashy blue lights coming from the walkway that entered to the kitchen. I closed my eyes hard and thought to myself, "I'm just tired and my eyes are playing tricks. I'll breathe deeply about ten to fifteen times and open my eyes again and walk to this kitchen." I did the routine of breathing at least eight times, I could feel the temperature in the room dropping with each routine. My heart was racing I begin to hear faint sirens and a low bass hum. I opened my eyes and I was surrounded by... Darkness and it echoed through the interlude of blue light, I remember seeing the faint images of what appeared to be wolves, although they appeared to wolves, they were Ularians, domesticated dog-like, very aggressive, and sometimes savage type animals. I knew this was an animal I should be familiar with because I frequently went to their home planet. I was on a bad directive there. I wronged them and now I felt as if I failed them and owed them something. I was paralyzed be the fear of the light, the flares of the turquoise blue, the smell of Thai food combined, and the continually dropping temperature. I felt like my entire apartment was sulking down into forgotten Petra dish in a forgotten part of time where science and the intrigue of small squirmy things held no value. My palms were clammy, I had a terrible itch in my lower back, which also was drenched in sweat, and I was now having dry heaves and my knees were knotted. I had lost all grip on my reality, I was transported mentally to the office of Dr. Fromkin. My nose was tickled by the airy cherry blossom Airwick, I was in the sleep room, which was where I went after a manifestation session. He kept the sleep room very clean. He keep the music at a very low volume, so if he was in hip-hop mood it sounded like a school band was practicing in a brick room with no tapestry. I guess the music was off because I didn't hear it at all. My eyes were still closed. I cried on the last session so my eyes were hard to open but I managed to do so. I looked up and the dull lights filled my eyes and made me feel refreshed, I cleared my throat and sat up in bed. I looked to my left and saw the Eiffel Tower that Jacob painted, and next to it the London Skyline from the Thames River perspective. The room felt so still, by now Dr. Fromkin was on his way to the sleep room. I sometimes would remember to count like (1 1000, 2 1000 and so on), but today the room felt oddly heavy. I thought the pressure may have been altered but then thought it may have been the furniture, and then I remembered a conversation that Dr. Fromkin and I had about how limited human contact could lead to a room feeling heavy. I stared at my friend after an emotional session, my reasoning was that love at times could make a person feel light as the wind. I expressed to him while sobbing and telling him that losing my mother, I still dreamed of her daily and would awake feeling light, but those memories I told him made my bedroom feel heavy. Of course it was metaphorically speaking but I applied that logic to the drape decor of the room. I liked painted photographs but outside the room was totally unbearable. I mentioned the flashback and drape decor to Dr. Fromkin, my dear friend. While he did indeed remember our stark conversation, he quickly dismissed my concern and wondered if it was a side effect of the recent session and he gave me a sedative. I don't remember anything after the sedative.