Too Soon

If anyone wants to comment I'd really appreciate it.

When I was a child,

a boy told me he loved me.

We were 5 years old.

He made me a Valentines card at break

With my name spelt wrong

And it was more romantic than roses.

For a 5 year old.


My first proper crush was at 11.

It lasted two whole months

And I found out after he was gay

And I was happy for him.

There were school yard relationships

Where you hold hands and

Kiss each other on the cheek

And it’s adorable for any adult watching.

Back then I thought I was in love.

Not because I knew what love felt like,

But because ‘relationship.’

A relationship meant you had to be in love



My first proper relationship, I was 16.

He was 6 months older than me.

We had 10 months which were fun.

At the time I thought it was amazing,

That he was the one for me

That he checked all these things off my list,

Now, not so much.


Because relationships don’t work

with a checklist for the perfect man,

and when I was a child I was told

that my relationships weren’t real.

I was only pretending. Playing at love.

So I play at relationships

I have fun and so does he, or she,

And I never take it seriously

Because you don’t understand love yet

And you don’t want to say it too soon.


So I play at relationships,

Or, at least, I did.


But now it’s different,

And now I have to ask,

When is a relationship real?

When do you stop playing?

And when is it too soon

To make that change

From playing to ‘the L-word?’


When is it too soon

To miss a kiss?

To translate sanctuary

From a place to a person.

To leave brick walls and log fires

For a warm embrace.

To swap your favourite music

For their most stupid laugh.

To swap your favourite perfume

For their breath on your neck.

To have your friends groan

When they slip out of your radar

Because these arms are around you

And you never want to move again.

To want to live in a picture

Where you are together

Doing absolutely nothing

Because that is your version of peace.


When is it too soon

To move in together?

To choose a place to nest,

To share these walls and rooms,

To compromise on that king sized bed,

For something much more practical.

Because this is your first house

And these rooms are rather cupboard like.

To concede on that wallpaper

To get the rug you love

And to be far too positive

About a kitchen with only a mini fridge.

To design your perfect room, and make it,

And then not care when your favourite room

Is the one you didn’t design.


When is it too soon

To pop the question?

To sweat over a thousand jewels

Large and small, single and many,

Every colour you can think of

With dainty bands and thick bands

And those twisted knots ones

and how many zeroes did you say?

To your friends helping you set the trap

And lure your love into the scene not knowing

And to have them peeking through the door

Because they have to know how it ends.

To having a heart attack at the final hurdle

With your weapons in hand

And the mood perfectly romantic

Until something breaks and the champagne

Sprays all over the food,

Hoping that they laugh it off

And they do.

And this is why you’re doing this.

To say those little words

And watch time slow down

So every second becomes an hour.

And you freeze in fear

Waiting for them to say yes.


When is it too soon

To voice this feeling we made taboo

Because you don’t want to say it too soon

And they told us to wait for the right time

And if we say it too much then it loses

Its potency, because words lose their meaning

The more you use them.

But every day I don’t feels like I’m lying

Because I’m pretending that my heart

Doesn’t ache without you

Or stop when I’m near you

Or leap when I kiss you.

I’m pretending to just be dating

When I know I stopped playing

a long time ago.


When is it too soon

To say ‘I love you’?

The End

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