it's actually a poem- i just didn't feel like spacing it after i pasted it over from my scratchpad ._.
don't worry, it'll be fixed up soon (maybe -.-)
i get these waves of missing you- like i'll be up in the middle of the night, and realize i can't talk to you anymore. you arent here for me anymore, and it hurts like hell that its ended up like this. its not the first time i wasn't good enough but this is the first thats its broken my heart for so long- i cant get to sleep some nights unless i start remembering you: the things we said and did and the way you were just so perfectly right fro me even though everyone said you werent. i get these...tidal waves of needing you, when i just need to talk to someone who understands, and then i realize that you don't- not anymore, or perhaps you never did at all- and then i'm swept out to sea by these memories- i question and doubt every word said thinking maybe i heard it wrong or got the wrong impression-but if you don't love someone, why would you waste your entire day EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. talking to them, joking with them, stopping by to see them or meet them just to say hi and see them and i dont fucking get it, if you don't love someone why would you say you'd never leave them?
and how can you hate them for crying when they realized that it never meant anything at all? those nights spent waiting for you, knowing you'd come eventually because they knew you THEY KNEW YOU like you knew yourself and they knew your secrets and dreams and hopes for all those tomorrows and how most nights you actually hoped there wouldn't be a tomorrow
and what about that one night when there was going to be a storm of the likes this pitiful state of ours had never ever seen, and you were working late and she called you up just to say 'be careful'? you didn't understand that your life meant so much to that person than your life even meant to you and you you couldn't fathom the pain in their voice when they had to respond to your "why? it doesn't matter anymore if i live or die" and you left time and time again- for another person or just because they were talking sense and it pissed you off
but why does someone loving you scare you so. damn. much?