to the girl with oceans for eyes and the sun for a soul

I want to write poetry about how i loved you

about how i offered you my heart,

about how i ripped myself open to show you what was inside

 

i want to write poetry about how you tore my ribs from my chest and turned them into walking sticks

about how you ate my heart raw, 

blood dripping down your chin, 

your teeth stained red

 

I want to write poetry about how hard it is to love yourself when everyone treats you like you're broken 

Like you're something they can fix with a good talking to 

(and maybe a little praying)

 

I want to write poetry about how some mornings i can't get out of bed 

(when all your energy goes into staying alive, it's hard to do much else)

 

I want to write poetry about how I trusted you more than I trusted myself 

about how badly i needed you to stand by me

 

about how noose knots are hard to tie

about red lines on wrists

about empty pill bottles

and plastic bags

 

i want to write poetry about how my depression made me a burden to you

i am not a burden

(and my mental illness doesn't mean that you get to ignore me)

 

and i want to write poetry about how somedays i don't blame you for hating me

(somedays it's hard for me to find a reason not to)

The End

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