Till death do us part.

Though I don't know if I could call this love-maybe just a
twisted codependence,
an unhealthy fever neither of us could shake.

Till death do us part.

I caught the love bug once and it stayed with me like cancer;
chemotherapy was no option—I was already too far gone.
I didn’t tell my mother or my father, my brother or my sister.
I didn’t tell my best friend or even a stranger.
Moonshine can’t break these strings keeping me from telling.
(I sewed carefully, after all.)

If you are vigilant you’ll learn things about anyone.
I was his shadow for a long time.
With a gust of wind I could smell the smoke clinging to his clothes
and feel the melancholy sliding off the tip of his sweet tongue.
That dark thing slapped me in the face.
Helpless in the web, I hoped to be served.

When he noticed me, my heart shook, palpitated, bled.
It was like roses blossoming (oh, how cliché that is)... and then
the thorns pricked my skin.
Though I don’t know if I could call this love—maybe just a
twisted codependence,
an unhealthy fever neither of us could shake.

Love is patient,
love is kind…
love is not jealous.
Screw that.

Wasn’t it all leading up to this?
Desperate love making in an attempt to create some.
Slashes, scratches, bloody floor.
Hollow eyes.
Don’t tell me it’s cut and dry.

It’s not as simple as leaving.
You’ve gotta get out of that web.
Listen to him calling, crying.
The pouting doesn’t last as long as the bruises.

“I’m sorry, I love you. Please don’t leave me.”

Let me touch you, let my fingers slide across your chest.
I’m living for this.
For you.
I don’t know what this is or why—

They tell me I’m looking for love in all the wrong places—

It hurts to look at someone and know
that everything you see will only kill you—
but I still depend on his fingers and his empty promises,
his acrid breath and his rancid words,
his tears…
Not knowing what I’ll come home to.
Wondering if today will be the day I fix him
while I look for some affection to patch up the affliction.

I’ll try my best, love.

(Till death do us part.)

The End

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