I thought I would break it up a bit and do just a plain paragraph.
So I've had a rough week. A really rough week.
My parent's divorce was finalized last Wednesday. My Mom looks like she's already interested in another guy.....who has a 3 year-old daughter. My best friend turned 17 and I felt like because it was her birthday I couldn't talk to her. My other best friend relapsed.
It's been a tough week.
But.....I think I'm ok now. I really had the urge to self-harm for two days straight.....but I think I'm ok now. I have the underlying sadness that stays in my heart continually. It hurts. But its bearable to me. I am warring with myself as to if I should accept I will never go back to self-harming.....or should I accept that I could make that mistake. I am warring with if I should just leave the pieces on the floor and tearfully walk away.....or if I should try to put together the puzzle and maybe have some peace of mind.
I just wish someone would hold me once, let me cry, and let me know it was ok to cry. That is was understandable. That I didn't have to hide it. Just once, and I think I would be ok.
But I keep waiting for this moment. That moment at the end of a movie when there is pretty music playing, the wind is blowing in the character's hair, and the character.......has this amazing look on their face.
They look peaceful. They look like they have accepted their lives. They look like they are ready to move on.
I wonder when I'll get that look on my face. Because I don't feel like that.
But I'll keep pressing on, because I have this feeling that in the end it will be worth it.