The ice of my own soul makes me burrow deeper within myself.
The cold become numb, the numb are safe.
Safety is what I long for, peace from the conflicting emotions.
So I will retreat.
Go deep into myself and come out again later.
A sigh of relief.
I have fallen for this trap once.
Shake yourself awake oh sleeper!
Awaken from this rejection of emotion!
They say to learn from your mistakes, have you not learned??
You have gone down this path once before.
Does it ever end well?
When has it served you well?
Has it helped you in the end, has it strengthened you?
It has betrayed, it has broken me down again and again.
It has laughed and left me more broken than when it found me.
So I will tear down the walls I have started to build.
Those walls of self-protection and rejection to emotions.
I will feel again.
I will laugh.
I will cry.
I will be loved.
I will be hurt.
I will learn.
I will not be lured into that trap again.
As tempting and delightful as it sounds.
Even though I want it so badly.
I choose to reject the coldness of my own soul.