Selfish DreamMature

Bitterness doesn't do any good, it only hardens the heart.

I don't beg to differ.

But I want my heart stony, I want my heart hardened.

I can't look on the good memories I've had.

They make me crack and break my bold exterior.

So I'll reflect on the bad, and make my heart boil over the hurt I've suffered.

The hurt I have inflicted.

The scars I have endured.

I'll place the blame on someone, perhaps me.

I'll beat myself up for not giving the perfect advice, or for snapping one minute.

Cry into my pillow, wipe away the tears, and move on again hardening my heart.

Build a brick wall, brick-by-brick, till no one can see through.

Then I'll be strong.

Then no one will see what I constantly see in the mirror.

No one will see how weak and pathetic I am.

I won't allow anyone to see.

I'll be strong to them, the object of the perfect person.

And I'll smile in my victory, and laugh in the defeat of my emotions.

But is this really the path I want to take?

Down this path, there is no love.

There is no sympathy.

There is only coldness, and feeling alone.

There is no place for God where perfection is my idol.

So I'll lay it again at His feet, and wipe the tears from my eyes that can't stop flowing.

He'll lift my heart up again, and give me the strength not to become angry.

Where there is an understanding of a loving God, there is no bitterness.

The End

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