I hesitate saying "I'm good" even when I really am.
Because deep underneath, I feel guilty for being happy.
I shouldn't be happy, all in all transpiring.
Happiness is selfish, and is short-term.
Rather, cling to my security blanket of sadness and hesitation.
Why is it so hard to say I'm doing good?
Because I want to hide my fears, even when I am panicked by them.
I want to tuck them away into the drawers of my mind.
Only pulling them out when I can face them alone.
It's hard for me to believe that anybody even cares.
I know I'm a burden to people.
That a listening ear or a gentle word is what they think their duty is.
But it pains my heart to feel the strain.
So I'll keep silent and say I'm ok.
I want to trust again.
I want to believe in love again.
I want to feel worthful again.
But I'm afraid.
Afraid that if I were to vanish.
The people I hold dearest to my heart wouldn't be as distraught as I would if they went away.
So what choice is there to be strong?
Because strong is what I'm labeled.
With a nice bow and beautiful wrapping paper.
I'll do what I have to do to survive.
Since I have no other choice but to.