Is it foolishness that makes me grasp for a scrap of what I've known?
On the edge of what I don't know.
It doesn't help I'm done with Sophomore year.
As horrible as it was, I wish it would have lasted longer.
I just would have "spruced" it up some.
Between which was worse.
Freshman or Sophomore.
So much happened Freshman.
My parents separated.
Dad broke my heart.
I lived day to day in this cold ice.
But then again.
I made my best friends Freshman.
I was set free from oppression, or at least a part of oppression.
Sophomore came 'round.
And I thought it was going to be great.
But a cold November night changed my theory of that.
Then all through December and January.
Marring any good memory of those months.
My first birthday without Dad.
I slowly and agonizingly saw my little brother's childishness taken away.
I wished for pain.
So much pain within my heart came to surface.
But then again.
I found out who my best friend was.
Who would be there for me when I was hurting.
I found out I could be as strong as I needed to be.
I found I could cry.
I could laugh.
So much more is coming.
I know that, and I dread it.
I try to cling so desperately.
Feeling as though I am on a cliff's edge, and I keep looking down and all I see is darkness.
I struggle for a foothold, a hand's grasp of reassurance.
I find none.
I know that everything I have known is about to be permanently dashed to pieces.
But I just wish I knew which way they were going to be dashed.
I wish I was able to read my own mind sometimes.
But for now, I'll live one day at a time.