I know what I'll do to relieve this burden of shame and guilt.
I'll pay my penance and say my dues.
Punish myself for the things I have done.
How much better can I become?
Try to break free of the mold, but I know I can't.
I fear to be scorned.
So here I'll stand.
Smiling and happy.
Continue living, by dying on the inside.
The ice of my soul no one will ever see.
I'll guard it fiercely, protect that part of me.
I'll say "I'm fine."
When really I'm screaming for deliverance.
But then I'll get this sick feeling, that I have come to adore.
It gives gives me a rush, the drive I need to continue this farce for another day.
This must have perfection.
I won't show my scars.
I won't show my shame.
I won't show my weaknesses.
I won't show my need for salvation.