~Can't Think of a Name~Mature


She sits in her room talking to an amazing guy with a name that rolls off her tongue like magic-
His voice sends shivers down her spine,and her heart stops when he says her name.
She is warmed by the strength of his love for her
but her thoughts wind back to a man that she thought she’d be with forever
and she’s shocked by the fact that she doesn’t hurt as bad as she used to;
Her heart doesn’t ache like it did at first
and then she begins to feel sorry because she feels as if she’s betraying this man,
and then the anger erupts and she can’t control the sheer rage as it bubbles up
There she goes blaming herself again for doing the right thing;
There she goes doing exactly
what every self-help book that she despises preaches to her like a fucking psalm of the religion that he believed in.

And now she’s looking up at the stars like she used to late at night
during the last month and a half and she finds herself
waiting for him like she always has.
five and a half months of waiting and you think she’d be over it by now
but there she is,
still loving the guy who slowly broke her heart from the very first moment that they started falling in love-
sh-sh-sh-sh-she knew and he knew and the whole world knew that it more than likely wouldn’t end the way
they wanted it to, but still she fought on to make love last
because love heals everything except for when it doesn’t
and now she’s wondering why the hell shes crying.
shes the one that left but still it feels like it hurt her more-
she always tried to hard and did too much, said too much and hoped too much. she always waited even though she knew he wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night missing her like she missed him every moment of every fucking day. every breath she breathed screamed him name and now shes rooted in place. she wants to hate him but she can’t because

No matter how hard you try you just can’t hate what was once the whole world to you.

She fell in love with the words that his mind pasted to the paper with inspiration and the dreams he dreams but is too glued in one place to make hope a reality and all the while she’s frozen in one spot looking up at him and his constellation of starry complications in awe and disgrace because how can one like him love a girl like her who is too scared to show her face because she hates it and every lie that hides behind it and

the clouds cover the stars as she snips-snips-snips the threads that keep her heart pinned to her sleeve.

she’ll give it to someone who shows that he wants her, loves her, and she’ll start over.
And this time she’ll do it right. She’ll love this one the way that he loves her, fully completely, openly.
She’ll pick herself up and move on.
She’ll smile at him like her heart is a bruised scab, she’ll talk to him,
listen to his voice until he falls asleep with his heart filled with the love she gives him,
because she has just so much love to give.
She’ll love him the way she’s always wanted to love him.
She’ll forget the bad times and live off the good,feeding on the essence.
She’ll be different,better. She won’t be sad anymore.

Because, after all, even constellations change places.

The End

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