thin slivery pieces of morning light splintering into the tender skin of my elbows, iv drips for sadness and dysphoria

our generation is tender suicide
whisper lullabies so it doesn't hurt so much 

tell me you love me even though you don't mean it

we drown ourselves in music
it's either that or murky bathwater thick with scented oils 
showers running red with blood 
a watery crimson much like tears and hair dye and vodka 

i wonder why i barely know myself

know my basic desires and the things i use to label myself 
my predisposition towards girls, 
love so sweet it rots away at my teeth and i am crumbled 
i know the bone-deep want for a binder,
for a body different from the one i inhabit 

an outside that fits my inside

chaotic mess of nametags and clipped phrases 
the words i keep inside the gates of my teeth 
refuse to let slip past 
riding horses across my tongue shouting i want to be heard i will not be silenced 
as i pull my jaws shut and stitch my lips together to keep myself quiet

i tell cc about my pronouns. 
i tell her they and please and thank you 
and she doesn't call me a nuisance 
doesn't call me troublesome or annoying

and i know i am 
but it's nice of her anyways

i'm a chemically imbalanced ticking time bomb 
but at least i have a couple places
where i am called what i am. 

The End

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