The weight on my shoulders

He has blonde eyelashes, to frame the way he speaks 

Because he doesn't use words as well as he could 

He has white marks on his teeth, making him just a little perfect 

He would be stranger if I did not know him, I would just walk by. 

And I wish that It was so, I wish I'd never known him 

He holds me up high, to drop me to my feet...again.

Whisper's he doesn't need me. 


There's another, he's the world. Everything I'd long to be 

Yes he's clever, with scruffy hair and I've known him since he was a child 

He's with me in seconds when the tears start, and never lets me fall yet,

I just can't give him what he wants because he means too much to me

I couldn't make him happy because then I'd have to make him cry 

And to see the world cry...Would surely make me want to...


Now my mother, she's an actress and she is just like me 

She's crying into the kitchen table, while I'm looking at whats to come

Is it so bad that I'm scared? that I'll turn out the same? 

Because when were screaming out at everything, we look just the same...

And she won't leave the house, because she can't stand the way she is 

She can't stand who she is, and If I'm just like her...then...


My father's resting his head against a door frame, when he thinks he's alone

You can see each pin in his side, through his red shiny eyes 

He won't show that he can't stand to be around her anymore

When she's tear stained and howling each time he walks through the door 

He's a quiet man, and he sobs quietly too...

When I catch him staring at pictures of the people we all used to be 

Then theres someone else who needs me too, and he deserves everything 

He's lowered his family into the earth and he doesn't show the hurt 

But inside his eyes, I can see he's died and

I'm just not strong enough to build him back together, when I wish...I was 

Because when he's coughing because he's ill, and we don't know how long we have

I feel little splinters inside telling me to love him differently...and I can't. 

So the girls at school are beautiful and I smile anytime I need to 

But every picture theres ever been of me, I just don't look like them. 

They are going to be so much more than they dreamed 

They're going to get married and be so much more than they ever seemed 

And I hate that it'll be me, that leaves first and doesn't ever change

Because my perfect friends are people that I'll always love to much 

And after all these people, that I care to cutting point. There's this

Weight upon my shoulder's that is entirely my own.

I can't eat, I can't sleep. I don't feel like a real person, just imaginary, fiction 

The scars, the sore eyes, that I cover each morning with thick concealer 

I am weak, Because I can't cope, When no one else even knows. 

That I'm turning into the person I hate the most. 

Because It's getting harder to be someone that isn't me. 

I can't keep biting my lip till it bleeds, holding in tears for a headache 

downing pills to keep me sane like an eighty year old woman 

And living as though, I am already dead. 

The End

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