Behind My EyesMature

The salmon skies hold no happiness for me
Only silent reveries
Eyes itching with tears forced back
And you look into my face searching for a crack
And because I hold you as a treasured friend
I shove my hate down to the end
So I pray to God 
Because only he can see the battle raging inside
Behind half-hearted smiles and okay lies
Behind a wall of skin whose plaits and wrinkles say
"I'm fine"
You know I'm not but you'll never be able to know
A label I place on myself to organize my crimes
Because I am condensed 
Everything absorbed into one body
Thick with self-destructive volume 
Take these insults and hold them close to the heart
Bruise the mind with what I cannot hold 
Keep it all in
Safe and cold
And it seems so easy to smile and lie
But every moment of socialization is pain
Because every time they break me open I cry
So every second that I sit next to you
Is every moment that I must hide 
And quietly scream for you to open me up
Try to read my eyes
For I am all stuffed and bottled up 
Closed and condensed
And I cannot even speak a word
Without the fear of leaving a dent
In my self created armor made to protect
Without the fear of vulnerability 
But I fear alone I will be spent
For although I am safe inside
I miss out in what could have been 
And you'll never know what I meant

The End

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