Behind My EyesMature

The salmon skies hold no happiness for me
Only silent reveries
Eyes stinging with tears forced back
And you look into my eyes searching for a crack
And because I hold you as a treasured friend
I shove my hate down to the end
So I pray to God 
Because only he can see the battle raging inside
Behind half-hearted smiles and okay lies
Behind a wall of skin whose plaits and wrinkles say
"I'm fine"
You know I'm not but you'll never be able to know
The true feelings that I hide 
A label I place on myself to organize my crimes
Because I am condensed 
Everything absorbed into one body
Thick with self-destructive volume 
Take these insults and hold them close to the heart
Bruise the mind with what I cannot hold 
Keep it all in
Safe and cold
And it seems so easy to smile and lie
But every moment of socialization is a pain
Because every moment they break me open I cry
So every second that I sit next to you
Is every moment that I must hide 
And quietly scream for you to open me up
Try to read my eyes
For I am all stuffed and bottled up 
Closed and condensed
And I cannot even speak a word
Without the fear of leaving a dent
In my self created armor made to protect
Without the fear of vulnerability 
But I fear alone I will be spent
For although I am safe inside
I miss out in what could have been 
And you'll never know what I meant

The End

1 comment about this poem Feed