The Peculiar Pair

Cat suggested I start writing again, so this is my first effort (after years of non-writing). Wrote it in about 40 minutes, edited in another 10.
I was experimenting with a rhyming scheme, so some parts may seem a bit jarring.

He sat there watching reality shows,

He laughed and he laughed whilst picking his nose.

He found it hilarious, these strange people's woes,

But all the time he thought, “This TV set blows!”.

The poor pixellation and radiant glows,

Made the poor leek's eyes stream like a hose.


Speaking of hoses, his house-mate was near,

Sobbing profusely while downing his beer.

You'd be right to think this behaviour queer,

For on the toilet he sat, that starch-covered sphere.

After his drink, and with lack of a sneer,

He rose from his throne leaving the hint of a smear.


Now this is where the story turns bleak,

For this couple were no usual clique.

You may want to flee if your stomach is weak,

Or if you are not of the finest physique.

For each and the other were known as a freak,

This incontinent potato and this lazy-a** leek.


Their home was getting into a really bad way,

All needed cleaning, there were bills left to pay.

They requested sustenance; but they couldn't just pray.

They were running low on supply of their curds and their whey.

And all this occurred, I am sorry to say,

In the sorrowful course of a singular day.


Now, it's here I'm happy to disclose,

That you're nearing the end of this terrible prose.

You may think this poem had the purpose to jeer,

But there is a happy ending, there's no need to fear.

That cousin of celery and potato, oh so meek,

Found the solution they did desperately seek.

They got on the web and discovered eBay,

And entered the game they needed to play...

They auctioned themselves, like they'd seen on the telly,

And ended up, in short, inside of my belly.

The End

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