I was seeking employment that would showcase my skills
Something different and fun that would help pay the bills
So I joined up with an agency to find work I desired
And booked an interview in the hopes I’d get hired.
That’s how I came to be stood at the door
Of Transylvania Avenue number 104.
I can laugh now at my naivety as I stood at that portal
But how could I know that I’d soon be immortal?
I hauled on the handle of the rusty old bell
And from the depths of the house I heard its strange knell
Echoing eerily round and about
And I think that’s when the first seed of doubt
Crept into my mind and spread down to my belly
Then into my legs which soon shook like jelly.
Realising my spirits were at a low ebb
I straightened my shoulders and brushed at the web
Of a large hairy spider who was spinning nearby
And looking hungrily at me, as he might at a fly.
The dark, heavy door swung open a bit
And with cold shaking hand I pushed gently at it.
It swung open slowly with a loud, eerie creak
So I stuck round my head and had a quick peek
Coming face to face with an elderly gent
Who peered into my eyes with apparent intent.
‘I’ve come for the job’ I heard myself quaver.
He nodded his head but his gaze didn’t waver.
The door shut behind me, I’ve no idea how
And the man disappeared with a quick formal bow.
I gazed around then at the dark, gloomy room
Which to be quite frank could do with a broom.
Guessing it was a cleaning job for which I’d applied
I got out the paperwork the agency had supplied.
‘Wanted, Girl Friday, must be reliable,
Willingness to work nights is also desirable’.
Suddenly a man appeared, right by where I stood
Dressed in a cape with a black, dusty hood.
He smiled at my apparent shock and surprise
But I noticed it didn’t quite reach to his eyes
Which bored into mine with a dark, glittering stare
As I said ‘dear me you gave me rather a scare’.
Whilst I uttered the words I thought ‘oh good grief
Look at the gleam on those immensely sharp teeth!’
To get such a wondrous bright, shiny gloss
He must brush twice a day and religiously floss.
Well, that’s really the last thing that I can recall
Of that strange interview in the dark, dusty hall.
The next thing I knew I was standing outside
Without getting the job for which I’d applied.
I rang the agency to give my report
Then put it behind me without further thought
Happy I’d come through the experience unscathed,
I continued to search for the job that I craved.
But since then though I’ve developed an aversion to light
And necks look quite luscious and tempting to bite.
I have strange urges to hang from high beams
And my naps are peppered with weird, bloody dreams.
I still love to shop though and just yesterday
Bought a fab dark oak coffin, last one on display.
My appetite’s gone and I drink only red wine
But other than that I’m feeling just fine.
So, don’t you worry, there’s nothing to fear
Come on, step up closer, let’s get cosy my dear.