I was seeking employment that would showcase my skills

Something different and fun that would help pay the bills

So I joined up with an agency to find work I desired

And booked an interview in the hopes I’d get hired.

That’s how I came to be stood at the door

Of Transylvania Avenue number 104.


I can laugh now at my naivety as I stood at that portal

But how could I know that I’d soon be immortal?

I hauled on the handle of the rusty old bell

And from the depths of the house I heard its strange knell

Echoing eerily round and about

And I think that’s when the first seed of doubt

Crept into my mind and spread down to my belly

Then into my legs which soon shook like jelly.


Realising my spirits were at a low ebb

I straightened my shoulders and brushed at the web

Of a large hairy spider who was spinning nearby

And looking hungrily at me, as he might at a fly.


The dark, heavy door swung open a bit

And with cold shaking hand I pushed gently at it.

It swung open slowly with a loud, eerie creak

So I stuck round my head and had a quick peek

Coming face to face with an elderly gent

Who peered into my eyes with apparent intent.


‘I’ve come for the job’ I heard myself quaver.

He nodded his head but his gaze didn’t waver.

The door shut behind me, I’ve no idea how

And the man disappeared with a quick formal bow.

I gazed around then at the dark, gloomy room

Which to be quite frank could do with a broom.


Guessing it was a cleaning job for which I’d applied

I got out the paperwork the agency had supplied.

‘Wanted, Girl Friday, must be reliable,

Willingness to work nights is also desirable’.


Suddenly a man appeared, right by where I stood

Dressed in a cape with a black, dusty hood.

He smiled at my apparent shock and surprise

But I noticed it didn’t quite reach to his eyes

Which bored into mine with a dark, glittering stare

As I said ‘dear me you gave me rather a scare’.

Whilst I uttered the words I thought ‘oh good grief

Look at the gleam on those immensely sharp teeth!’

To get such a wondrous bright, shiny gloss

He must brush twice a day and religiously floss.


Well, that’s really the last thing that I can recall

Of that strange interview in the dark, dusty hall.

The next thing I knew I was standing outside

Without getting the job for which I’d applied.

I rang the agency to give my report

Then put it behind me without further thought

Happy I’d come through the experience unscathed,

I continued to search for the job that I craved.


But since then though I’ve developed an aversion to light

And necks look quite luscious and tempting to bite.

I have strange urges to hang from high beams

And my naps are peppered with weird, bloody dreams.

I still love to shop though and just yesterday

Bought a fab dark oak coffin, last one on display.

My appetite’s gone and I drink only red wine

But other than that I’m feeling just fine.


So, don’t you worry, there’s nothing to fear

Come on, step up closer, let’s get cosy my dear.





The End

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