let us forgive and move on - we were creatures of pain and darkness, and now it is time to patch ourselves up an move on - or at least to try our best.
i do not forget my grievances against you - you can be mean, and you have been. but i am recovering. and hating you hurts me more than it hurts you.
so i'm going to rename you - i will start a new chapter in my life.
god knows we've had our issues.
that we've cried and screamed,
that i have been hurt so much.
it doesn't stop hurting.
that, i will tell you.
but my heart does not stop beating
because i am feeling any measure of pain.
my body still thrums with blood,
my hands still move to type,
my legs still carry me forwards.
i am stronger than the girl you take me for.
i have seen low points you can only imagine,
my concealer covers my insomnia.
my bones do not rest with you, my sister.
that is fine.
but i just ask that you know
that i will most likely end up teaching in some
over-crowded tiny public school,
trying to make a living where there is none.
i don't think you see the branding of sadness
that has adorned my forehead for far longer
than my anger was a revelry.
i can see your face in pictures with us together
and you have the expression you never let me see -
love, fondness, happiness, whatever you wish to name it
but how dare you hide that from me.
my emotions are not trivial,
how dare you make me believe
that i am worthless just because you
could not bring yourself to admit you loved me.
you're gone and i am not sorry.
but i can forgive. never forget.
for a while now, you have been
branded the Ice Queen.
it has been a name that fit,
and a name that persevered
throughout the ages of my frustration.
you, my sister, were an Ice Queen.
but i am being generous, so now,
instead of a name that screams of coldness
and arctic cruelty and emotional starvation,
i give you a new one, a more pleasant one.
you can be something light now.
you are far away, i cannot become so
easily angered with you now.
distance works against our arguments.
it is not that you are nicer,
merely that i am stronger.
i am strong enough to
forgive you now.
so, i give you a new name for a
new beginning to my view of you.
you can be the Air Queen.