The Girls.

I wrote this a year ago, take it how you like, bit of a disjointed, poorly written attempt at poetry :p

Luke

January 1997.

I thought to myself, 'I'm in love.'

I really wasn't.

Her name was Charlotte.

The prettiest girl my 8 year old eyes had ever seen.

I never spoke to girls.

I was too shy.

Too shy to even talk to people, afraid of rejection.

But then one day, that all melted away.

There she was, standing on her own.

At the back entrance of Larkhill Primary School.

I was blasting around the neighbourhood on my BMX.

Seeing how fast I could whip around corners.

Negotiating shortcuts and generally killing time.

I rode up confidently, not quite feeling myself.

We talked, we joked, we laughed, I smiled, she blushed.

But that was where it ended.

That side of me disappeared, the shyness returned.

Whenever I saw her again, my face felt burned.

It was inexplicable, I couldn't understand it.

But it wasn't love.

Whenever I think of Charlotte, I think of that one blush.

I think of when I realised, it was just my first real crush.

April 1999.

I thought to myself, 'I'm in love.'

I really wasn't.

Her name escapes me, one detail etched into my mind.

Her elegant long, blonde hair.

Her natural kindness and warmth that she shared.

We spent every lunchtime together, out in the sun.

No matter what the troubles I had, we always had fun.

We both knew there was an attraction.

We both knew we were scared.

Scared of what it meant, scared of how we'd fare.

I felt that urge to kiss her by the goalposts.

But it just didn't feel right.

I blew her off and she sadly left, forever out of sight.

But it wasn't love.

Whenever I think of her I laugh at what it was.

The first girl I ever cared for as a friend.

The first time my wires got crossed.

November 2006.

I thought to myself, 'I'm in love.'

I really wasn't.

Her name was Summer.

The sexiest woman I'd ever been so close to.

Her quietness and mystique intrigued me.

Shy like me.

Quiet like me.

Come's out of their shell when barriers fall, like me.

That fateful trip, when I really got to know her.

The quirkyness that made me laugh.

The similarities that bridged a gap.

The night we stayed up till 4, talking and laughing.

The differences were greater than the similarities.

The age gap, the daughter, my inexperience with girls.

But on that night we stayed up so late.

I couldn't help but believe it was fate.

The weeks I spent, wrought with confusion.

Before coming to the depressing conclusion.

It wasn't love at all, just a messed up delusion.

Misplaced affection that was projected onto a girl.

The loneliness in my life made her seem like a must.

Yet at the end of the day, Summer, was only lust.

April 2007.

I thought to myself, 'Wow. So this...'

'This is love.'

And it really was.

Her name was Sarah.

The most beautiful, pretty, sexy, amazing girl.

I've ever had the pleasure to know.

She is her own person, a quality I respect and admire.

Whenever I'm with her I feel like I couldn't be higher.

The word love is often thrown around too loosely.

Probably too little people use it with sincerity.

I myself, was always a skeptic.

My previous lapses in logical thinking aside.

However I've come to see, wierdly easily.

That love is just what you feel, not what you achieve.

There's no set time in which these feelings appear.

Feelings filled with happiness, feelings filled with fear.

It just happens.

Plain and simple.

That connection you just can't describe.

A connection that makes you feel alive.

I link everything good in life towards her.

Happiness she makes me feel, a, sexual appeal.

The most amazing smile I've ever seen.

A smile that makes you think it's all a dream.

My ineptness and awkwardness was obviously an issue.

Back before when all I can say is 'I miss you.'

Yet she is so understanding, so patient.

That my insecurities weren't looked down upon.

Every worry I ever had in that department.

Every fear that made me nervous.

Was melted away by her open personality.

I feel an undying gratitude towards her.

For simply being in my life.

I've found my new favourite thing in the world.

To hold her in my arms and play with her hair.

Any worrys or troubles I have fade away.

It's such a nice feeling.

To love.

And to be loved.

Well actually, it's a great feeling.

A fantastic feeling, the best feeling in the world.

How she could ever feel anything towards me.

I simply cannot understand.

Yet the paranoia and self deprecation never really lasts.

In short, or in long, as a judge of this so far.

Love is when you feel at ease with someone.

When you feel comfortable with someone.

When you care about someone so much you would do;

Anything to make sure they were okay.

Someone you can't imagine life without.

I never ever thought I'd feel so strongly.

Look at someone, think of them so fondly.

I know the future holds a lot of emptiness.

I know times are going to be troublesome.

But simply looking foward to when we're together again.

Makes me smile and know, it will be awesome.

The End

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