The EndMature

I wrote this poem as a spoken word to tell my mom about a rape that happened a few months ago, but after showing it to some people, I decided my parents aren't ready to hear about it, and I'm not ready to tell them. I cry too much!

I have a story I was asked to tell
But I don't know if I should tell you
Don't know if you're ready to hear it
It haunts me in the mirror, it
Is one of many
If you don't have the ability to see beyond
Your insecurity, comfortably speaking,
I mean no offense when I open this fence
That kept hidden the lies I've written
But I'll tell you, if you promise to do
What I'll ask you to..

The day..
That day was like any other day for her
She woke up, got dressed, answered the majority of her texts
Ignored a few, because she was too wired
Even though she was so tired from spending her free time
With a person she'd known in her life a long time ago
She was so giddy, happy with glee
That this one thing could just be
The beginning to every dream she'd dreamed about him
But she wanted to let it be a secret, she wanted to keep it quiet
She didn't want to ruin anything, she
Had friendships ruined because of this feeling, she
Didn't want this one to end too, because she says something too soon
Besides, she knew deep down, she wasn't what he wanted, he'd skip out
Before it got serious, she knew this
But she was always so good at pretending, so she faked it would never end
She spent an hour on her makeup, highlighting her features
She'd always been plain, even says her teachers
So she wanted to be beautiful, so she could attract him,
She didn't realize he wouldn't be swayed from his previously same significant other
So she looked pretty, went out to wait at his house for him and the friends
And that night, that night was the beginning of the end
He wasn't happy to begin with, but she was determined
To change that with a few of her smiles, they could be seen miles away,
People say
The group watched some movies, but she didn't see a thing
Because he was her everything
He was in her line of sight, though he was lying behind her
She was ready to lie in bed with him, just lie there with him
She had her night planned with him
So she got undressed, ready to sleep
When he came over to see her
He started to kiss her, her dreams came true once again
Then he started tearing at her clothes, this wasn't supposed to happen!
She thought it was a mistake, he must be exhausted,
So she casually said no, thought he'd lost it
But he just continued on with his lust
As he lifted her up and down, she was in shock
She didn't realize what was happening at first, she was like a doll
Til she felt the sensation between her legs, and it all
Came together, before he did
And she rolled off quickly, before his mind was changed
She crept off the bed, three in the a.m.
She fumbled for a t-shirt, found his instead
She tried to get upstairs, it was like she was drunk
She didn't want him to hear her go, want him to wake up
So she searched frantically for a knife or scissors
To relieve the burning ache within her
It hurt to feel this empty though she'd just been filled
She wished for a shower or even a rag
To just wash it all off, erase the whole thing
She found nothing, four in the morning
So she curled on the couch upstairs
And wished someone's mom was there
"Moms always know what to do, they're experts" she thought
"But my mom would be ashamed to know I'm not
As beautiful as she thinks.
If she knew what just happened, she wouldn't love me."
So she sat there, broken, empty, alone
In the dark, wishing she could go home
She cried for hours that night
Seven in the morning, she went back to the bed
Where everything was ruined in the end
She scooted as far away from him and his hand
As she possibly could, back against the wall
So she could fight if she needed to
She went to sleep..
Ten in the morning, she wakes up to him
To being cuddled up where she'd always been
Head on his chest, not remembering a thing
Except the pain
She quickly moved away, but he pulled her back
And said "I love you"
Well if it's love, last night was okay, right?
I want more, to erase last night

So she did what she thought he'd want
Because he's a man, and men are the same
Their gods are their privates, or so they say
She gave him head, on the very bed
That ruined everything about love in the end
Eleven a.m. the friends were awake
She pretended nothing happened, just in case
But her radiant smiles were absent that day
She sat on the couch with him as he played his games
Then he struck her, slapped her in front of his friends
She feinted laughter, though he'd just hurt her,
He continued til welts showed, and after
Tears stung her eyes, but she wouldn't cry
She wanted him to think she was one of the guys
So she remained quiet..
One in the afternoon, her ride came to get her
No smiles were given, let's just forget her
Night happened, but you could tell something was wrong
But she remained quiet the whole ride home
Her laughter was cold, restrained, and silent
But she knew if she tried, her parents would buy it
So she remained quiet..
Now at night, when she stares at the ceiling,
She relives that night, always still feeling every second
She thinks about that house, that night, that friend
And the rape that scarred her in the end

This is a story, and it's true from beginning to end
Now here's my one request of you, just pretend you're her
And think of that day
Think of others who've endured more
Just think.

The End

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