I feel like I’m lying to myself,
I feel like I’m trying to be
something that I’m not anymore,
and I hate the feeling
of these feelings in my chest.
I hate just how easy it was
to fall back into these ruts,
into the easiness of his earnestness,
into the comfort of his presence.
I hate how wonderful it feels
to just be talking to him,
for things to be simple and sweet
just like it used to be.
i hate how easily he’s knocked down
my feeble attempts of keeping him out,
I hate just how easy it is for him
to make me love him
all over again,