Testing, Testing


And another night bites the forgotten dust. I lie here, testing my body from head to foot: hair unimaginable but the head is full of bees; my mouth is stuck; eyes uncaring; only my toes are obviously alive – they’re waving at me.


Rise and retch you stupid woman – or am I still a girl? How do you move on? Is there some kind of test to pass and no-one told me the date? I should be dead; no-one lives with that amount of alcohol in their system; I must be flammable! No, that’s not even a thought and it did not flit through my mind. What mind? 


I’m nostalgic for the days when I had flashbacks. Now I live in the present, all the time – there is no past, well, no recent past. Every night is a holiday and every day is new. Every morning I’m scared to look in the mirror. Who the hell is that? Today is an alright day, I’ll pass. For what?


Well I seem to have spent time in a serious working position and nobody noticed me; already the memory of it is gone – now I’m awake, and living, laughing in a bar with strangers. Switched on, just like a light-bulb, and talking into my Dictaphone - funny how people don’t give a second look these days to anyone striding the streets talking to themselves. Throw me another, Tom. 


Is it gone? Was that another day disappeared on me? I just can’t seem to grasp any of it; it slips through my fingers like the water it always has been. It won’t stand still long enough for me to focus. Damn it!

The End

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