Testing, Testing

9.30am

And another night bites the forgotten dust. I lie here, testing my body from head to foot: hair unimaginable but the head is full of bees; my mouth is stuck; eyes uncaring; only my toes are obviously alive – they’re waving at me.

10.30am

Rise and retch you stupid woman – or am I still a girl? How do you move on? Is there some kind of test to pass and no-one told me the date? I should be dead; no-one lives with that amount of alcohol in their system; I must be flammable! No, that’s not even a thought and it did not flit through my mind. What mind? 

12.30pm

I’m nostalgic for the days when I had flashbacks. Now I live in the present, all the time – there is no past, well, no recent past. Every night is a holiday and every day is new. Every morning I’m scared to look in the mirror. Who the hell is that? Today is an alright day, I’ll pass. For what?

6.30pm

Well I seem to have spent time in a serious working position and nobody noticed me; already the memory of it is gone – now I’m awake, and living, laughing in a bar with strangers. Switched on, just like a light-bulb, and talking into my Dictaphone - funny how people don’t give a second look these days to anyone striding the streets talking to themselves. Throw me another, Tom. 

9.30am 

Is it gone? Was that another day disappeared on me? I just can’t seem to grasp any of it; it slips through my fingers like the water it always has been. It won’t stand still long enough for me to focus. Damn it!

The End

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