I have racked my tired brain in trying to make sense of such a heinous situation - to no avail...
I have screamed and yelled and used any words that I know, yet I fail.
There is no description for the emptiness that’s left where we used to be –
Only meaningless comparisons to meaningless things, that’s Me.
I have traced my bad decisions back to careless ignitions –
back to when the future was still new;
I have shivered at my recollections of life before, including, and after You…
The carnival funhouse, the promising dawn, and then – pitch darkness of a lie that’s fostered truth.
What use is a mother who can’t be your Mom…?
I can’t blame you for losing any purpose to hold on –
so much space and time, so many things gone so wrong…
you’ve had to be alone out there; you’ve been forced to be strong.
I can see how you feel abandoned – believe me;
That thought never leaves my heart for a beat I think it endlessly…
I’ve let you down and can’t pick you up again;
Single-handedly destroyed our’ lives – that’s Me.
If I could sit down on top of a slow-ticking bomb –
And wait for it to explode dreadfully against the unknown –
in exchange for all of your constant pain and misery;
I want you to know: there’s no doubt that I’d go,
to gladly be blown up to smithereens.
What use is this apology – if I can’t make things “right”?
- About as good as a dead man in the ring for a fight…
There’s nothing left, no sense of what was or what will be –
Empty and embittered, angry at my life
Unable to hold my own against the pain – that’s Me.