terror in the form of flesh and undeniable facts

//tw: gender dysphoria, body hatred, claustrophobia (sort of?)

i look down 
and realize i'm not wearing a shirt. 

this is a nightmare

around me, enclosing me, 
are four mirrors 
four walls all reflecting myself back at me

and through them the outside world glimmers slightly

before the mirrors swallow it again 
and i am forced to look at my body 

and i cry 
and i scream

and i rage, rage, rage
bleed my fists in furious smears of pale red across glass
until the skin is ripped and the mirror remains unbroken 

and the familiar bile of panic rises in the back of my throat
as i throw myself desperately against the enclosure 

trying so fiercely to get away from my body

this body, this body 
it mocks me and traps me 
and the mirrors laugh at me 

they laugh at me and laugh and laugh and laugh 
and i am helpless
i cannot get away

and i just sob 
clawing my hands as if it will make my reflection go away 
please, please not this 

and i wonder 
about the fact that i have nightmares
about having to confront my own body. 

The End

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