Early in 2005 I began writing poetry to "vent" and later realized sharing my poems might be the thing to do - that I probably wasn't the only gal going through these kinds of things...so here it is.
(Back in 2005, my PenName was Elyssa Kae King)
I suspect it isn’t fair, this encumbrance placed on me…
To always be strong yet silent, much like a man you see
(Or at least how the male species is purported to be).
Be a mouse in the corner of my house…see if you don’t agree.
It’s ‘hold your tongue, voice no opinions, think like the 50’s throng;
Agree with me on everything, even when you know I’m wrong;
Comport yourself as if walking ten paces behind ‘til we’re home;
Hold hands when others are present, let me be when we’re alone’.
He says “I can change…I can be like a woman”; my God, what does that mean?
Does “like a woman” imply being considerate and having your thinking keen?
Is it a sensitive heart, compassionate actions…a devoted attitude,
Fidelity that honors … cherishes, and a temperament of refined magnitude?
It’s either “Remember my glasses, for I’m in too much of a rush…”
“I’m too busy daydreaming about my secret ‘crush”’; or.
“Remember what bills to pay this coming Friday”;
I’m not to let his questionable activities get in my way.
Or “I’ll accompany you to church services, and so helpful I will be,
If you’ll not breath a word of our relationship’s reality.
I want everyone to speculate how you landed the best husband in town…
Come on…pretend I’m the king of our castle whenever anyone is around.”
I recall his lame proposal so many years passed;
I’ll never know why I accepted – I could kick myself in the ass!
It’s true he doesn’t beat me, drink a lot or cuss -
So you may be wondering why I’m making such a fuss.
To tell the truth I should have married a man just like John Wayne.
You know…a guy who’d pick me up, toss me onto the bed…kiss me hard and then
He’d be so arduous yet tender, so solid and strong - but kind…
A male whose manliness wouldn’t be threatened when a woman spoke her mind.
Oh well, you say “that’s in the movies”, and of course I do agree;
It’s also on every book cover and all the talk shows on TV.
This topic is depressing for a little, old granny like me
Who has lived without the ‘lovey-dovey stuff’ for over half a century.
Yet I’d be on the prowl today if I thought that I could find
The “man of my dreams”, my “soul mate”, or the “one I left behind”.
My middle-aged heart does surely ache, but chains that bind are hard to break.
So I’ll grit my teeth and keep marriage’s promise that ‘this one’ I’ll not forsake.
(Too bad this poem ain’t ‘bout fishin’ … I could throw him back in the lake!)
© Elyssa Kae King, 3-2005