the songs say that tomorrow will be better,
the sun will shine brighter and my heart will be lighter.
but people say the opposite, they feel like battery acid in my morning coffee,
throat on fire, eyes stinging from all their negativity.
they have grapple hooks for hands and fangs for teeth, they terrify me so I stay home and freeze in my safety.
I'll reach out to you through a computer screen,
don't want anyone to leech the heat from the small fire growing in my chest.
I want to feel okay again, but I thought I was fine, I thought I was fine I thought I was-
the night draws to a close and I've survived today.
Its a miracle, but I feel the insanity seeping in through my pores
the solitary dark can drive grown men crazy and here I am eighteen and hopeful,
depressed but working on making the world a more beautiful place.
I'm sorry if these words cause you go to that dark
place you hate going to,
and I know I shouldn't apologize for my words;
someone once told me that art is offensive and
if I didn't make someone angry or didn't hurt the vulnerable parts of them then
I wasn't doing it right.
But what is right, and what is wrong?
My heart says making you cry is the darkness residing in me, but it feels so nice to make someone else feel something more
than the dull numb of existing without actually living.
Are you alive, Friend?
Sometimes I wonder if you've become one of them and it scares me half to death to imagine you as a soulless monster without a heart and pebble eyes,
blacker than the eternal night sky.
When was the last time we saw a light brighter than our computer screens?
you wouldn't be able to see this pixelated vocabulary scrawled on nothingness without that screen between me and you.
I might not have ever written these words that you're reading now and again
I'm sorry if I'm making you think too much,
my mind is just moving too fast to make sense of the things I had planned on saying.
(I planned on being profound and inspirational, but now I'm lost in the human existence and I'm standing on the brink of existential crisis so I'm going to go home now and close this.)
If you read this, I hope you haven't become a nine to five office monster.
If you have, you are the thing of my nightmares. Please never stop to say hello.