You’re so, so close

But so far away.

Each word you speak

Is a death blow to my heart.

We sit together,

On this plane,

Thousands of miles above the ground,

With barely an inch between your hand

And mine.

You say you’re glad

I’m here.

I’m not sure

Whether to be anxious

Or elated

To be near you, again.

 

You’re so, so close

But so far away.

Because you’re

Passing notes

To your girlfriend

Sitting in front of us.

You’re almost

Ignoring me.

I loop my music,

Reminding myself

That I can’t lose control

Reminding myself

That you’re not mine.

You start to talk,

I don’t know why,

I’m just listening,

To your beautiful voice.

I nod, desperately agreeing

With whatever you say.

You smile at me,

And then the iPod comes flying back at you,

Another note

From your true love.

And I turn away,

Not wanting

You to see

The pain.

 

You’re so, so close

But so far away.

Next plane ride.

This time I

Have the window seat.

You’re still next to me.

Who arranged the seating tickets here?

I’m not sure whether

I want to thank them

Or hurt them.

She’s too far away for communication

You have to talk to me.

Is that so horrible?

 

You’re so, so close

But so far away.

As the conversation begins,

I realize.

This is not talk,

This is interrogation.

Why are you

Doing this

To me?

Shut up,

Stop,

Each word,

It hurts me,

So much.

You pause,

And I glare at you.

You match my stare

And my breath almost

Stops.

Your eyes.

Your beautiful eyes.

They’re wonderful.

Blue-green, with flecks of gold,

Silver light reflected

Back at me.

I just stare,

Mesmerized,

Captivated,

At your amazing eyes.

You break the gaze,

And I know.

You’re so, so close

But so far away.

Why can’t this torture end?

I am weak.

I can’t resist you.

I can’t lie to you.

What have you done to me?

Paralyzed,

A heart bleeding from old scars

You opened.

Tears

Threatening to fall.

Defenses

Slowly crumbling

As you destroy me.

You shouldn’t even know this stuff,

You shouldn’t know my secrets,

But I was an idiot.

I told you,

I trusted you.

But that was before

You chose her.

You know too much

And I’m scared.

I want you

To stop.

What happened?

I was strong,

But no match for you.

Everything would be so much simpler

If I could hate you.

I can only wish

You loved me too.

 

You’re so, so close

But so far away.

This is

A short plane ride.

As we land,

Everyone stands up.

This is the end.

The end of everyone being a team,

The end of our closeness,

The end of me being able to forget the pain,

The end of us.

I stare at you,

One last time,

Memorizing every detail

Of your amazing eyes, face, hair, body.

I will never forget

You,

Or your eyes.

I walk into the aisle,

And look back

One last time.

Your eyes meet mine,

And I want to say something,

But I can’t.

She appears next to you,

Linking her hands

With yours.

She was my best friend,

You know?

I don’t stop staring

Into your beautiful eyes,

Wishing

You loved me.

It breaks my heart

To walk away

From you.

 

You’re so, so close

But so far away.

And I glance back

Once more,

As I’m leaving.

You’re laughing,

With her.

I turn away,

Swallowing the bitterness,

And step into the airport.

Away,

Away,

From you.

From everything we

Could have been.

But you never

Wanted me.

Your eyes

Never filled with love

For me

Like they do

For her.

And I realize,

That I can’t stand

You being near me,

Laughing with me,

But not being mine.

So unless I do something,

You’ll always be

 

So, so close

But so far away.

I write to you, telling you

That I hate you,

To stay out of my life.

I write only words

Of bitterness

And anger,

When really,

All I want is your love.

 

You’re so, so close

But so far away

When you confront me

I say nothing

Just stare,

And turn,

Blinking back tears,

Realizing that it still

B r e a k s m y h e a r t

T o  w a l k  a w a y

From you.

 

You’re so, so close

But so

 

F a r

 

 

 

A  W  A  Y.

 

 

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