Singing Compulsion

This is a town of ashes, I walked through him like a ghost 

His feelings flickered, in the diminished wind

Didn't see his face, just felt the singing compulsion 

To be with someone I knew to be dishonest. 

I felt blind when I saw the sun's rays 

Because I'd become accustomed to the dark and 

I prefer these graceless circles to watching my reluctant hands

Flutter about your face, like moths caught in the burning white light. 

His absence quickens within me like a grotesque rose at raw daybreak 

Crying for his decisions, tangled with other men promising, breathing 

dreams into my lungs like silver touched hope and,

Throwing salt, behind the left shoulder, down onto the pavement so

The devil misses their lips brushing lies onto my fingertips. 

There's a basic crimson insincerity in my impersonal eyes

That cries and traps those I wish to care for me, into contributing 

emotions they neither feel or can forget. Yet you 

and your sun strained eyes, desert me with no lingering regret

As you walked from me as I was trembling in the unquiet darkness. 

So I reject others compliments now with raised eyebrows, profound 

Reluctance to believe in their more delicate pale form of light. 

When yours is all I can see, all I can believe. When I whisper quiet

It's only so you'll lean closer to me. This brilliant smile 

Is a facade, and you know this, and you know me. 

You meet my rare smiles with your own and leave me liable to fall 

Into a reassurance I am unwise to feel so close to us. 

So as we engrave one more deep memory, for the parting we announced 

I walk back through to real life as a ghost, to the one I don't need 

With artificial hands clasped together, drowsy at the dawn 

I have to beat you down, because I don't belong here 

You know where I should be now...

When not one person is honest, and my human sympathy has limits 

So drinking in the white noise, watching the harrowing winter fall 

In the dark night, concealing these thoughts with a look of hardness

I waited for the one I needed, the one I chose, and I grew cold

When nobody came. 

The End

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