This is a town of ashes, I walked through him like a ghost
His feelings flickered, in the diminished wind
Didn't see his face, just felt the singing compulsion
To be with someone I knew to be dishonest.
I felt blind when I saw the sun's rays
Because I'd become accustomed to the dark and
I prefer these graceless circles to watching my reluctant hands
Flutter about your face, like moths caught in the burning white light.
His absence quickens within me like a grotesque rose at raw daybreak
Crying for his decisions, tangled with other men promising, breathing
dreams into my lungs like silver touched hope and,
Throwing salt, behind the left shoulder, down onto the pavement so
The devil misses their lips brushing lies onto my fingertips.
There's a basic crimson insincerity in my impersonal eyes
That cries and traps those I wish to care for me, into contributing
emotions they neither feel or can forget. Yet you
and your sun strained eyes, desert me with no lingering regret
As you walked from me as I was trembling in the unquiet darkness.
So I reject others compliments now with raised eyebrows, profound
Reluctance to believe in their more delicate pale form of light.
When yours is all I can see, all I can believe. When I whisper quiet
It's only so you'll lean closer to me. This brilliant smile
Is a facade, and you know this, and you know me.
You meet my rare smiles with your own and leave me liable to fall
Into a reassurance I am unwise to feel so close to us.
So as we engrave one more deep memory, for the parting we announced
I walk back through to real life as a ghost, to the one I don't need
With artificial hands clasped together, drowsy at the dawn
I have to beat you down, because I don't belong here
You know where I should be now...
When not one person is honest, and my human sympathy has limits
So drinking in the white noise, watching the harrowing winter fall
In the dark night, concealing these thoughts with a look of hardness
I waited for the one I needed, the one I chose, and I grew cold
When nobody came.