she digs her nails into the palms of my hands and suddenly, with growing dread and a sinking feeling, i realize i am still aliveMature

//trigger warnings for suicide/suicidal ideation

cry baby cry baby

they say i talk too much 
run my mouth idly because silence makes me uncomfortable

silence in my house means something's wrong

means someone's hurt 
or everyone has left me alone

injecting song lyrics into my veins
choking on poetry
pulling strands of words from my tongue
with pinched fingers

gagging on emotion

i was built from pain 

so go ahead and cry, little girl, 
you know that's all they'll ever see you as

i'm - 
fr a ct u r i ng
and it is ugly and agonizing 
and i can't believe that anyone's stuck around this long just to see me burn 

i'm not getting better
i'm stuck in stasis and all that's happening
is the decline we all knew was coming

is not the sort of thing that it feels like you can recover from. 

this feels like dying 
and this feels like forever-pain and the ache in my chest

i use this depression,
crushing self-loathing 
and i wind it into something i can wind around my neck 
and pull taut 

because goddamn if this isn't killing me.

The End

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