Poem 6: The Show That Never Ends

The musical performance is what most will remember
But for those who know, only my parents and myself there
Is what is going on behind the curtains
I'm putting on a show for all to see and enjoy
A smile on my face, faking my want to be there and singing

The first two songs that I sing aren't too bad
Songs that I have sung for months and even years
They've done well at contest, both high marks
But the last song just about kills me when I sing it

Amazing Grace, ironically enough, is what I'm singing
The song that personifies what I need at that moment
That's what I'm on a stage in front of unknowing people singing
My Dad knows, he tells me that he's surprised I did it
I lasted through the song, but then I lost it

Stumbling off the stage, I stagger into a side room
I get about three feet into the room
I hear the door close and then I fall
I fall straight to my knees and I cry, simply cry

My soul and heart pour out as I do
I wonder what I'm doing in this place
This is supposed to be a celebration of music
Not a celebration of hidden, painful ironies
The music grows silent, but my crying doesn't

As the music quits, I hear people wonder
'Where have I gone?' The question is posed
Many ask it, fewer can answer
A few say that I've gone outside, but Mom knows

She shoos away everyone from the hallway
Her maternal self taking over immediatly
I hear the door opening and her voice cut through
'You need to come out, people want to meet you'
Meet me? Why would they want to do such a thing?

Why would they want to meet a person who is fake?
A person who is putting on a mask for all to see
A mask for all to believe and enjoy
A story fabricated because of my own stupidity

I refuse for a moment but then I conceed
I slowly rise from the ground, wiping my face
I compose myself and I see my mother's face
She is concerned and knows everything
She continues to keep others at bay as I rebel

I walk out into the hallway and mutter to her
'I don't want to be here, I just want to go home'
It's the truth, the painful truth and she knows
But she knows that it won't happen until I'm done here

So I have to keep my story going, my audience awaits
They don't want to be disappointed by my disappearance
So I walk out and greet them, they shower me with praise
I say thank you and smile as they do so
Inside, I'm saying 'If only you knew the truth'

As everyone leaves, we do as well
We have graduation parties to reach, more people to see
But to me this means something else entirely
It means that I have to keep the show rolling

At the first party, I see someone that I haven't in a while
Old friends that I went to church with
We greet each-other and joke about our lives
Again, if only they knew the truth
But they don't and it will probably, hopefully stay that way

As my family and my friend's talk, I sit at a table
Simply eating my lunch, a mix of pork and cake
That is until my plate runs empty, what now?
So even as I think about what to do, I fall asleep

I'm woken up an hour later by my mother
She accosts me for falling asleep
She knows what I've been through, my lack of sleep
But yet, I know she's right and so I keep moving
The next party, it gets interesting quickly

The End

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