Poem 3: The Healing Power of Tears

As my girlfriend and I stumble back
To my house down the street from hers
We try to make conversation
But it is too hard right now, too akward
But we do it so we know that we're there

We reach my house, and my girlfriend
She in her love for me, hugs me
One last time before she departs
It feels as though my soul is now gone

My father is waiting outside for me
He put off a trip for ice cream for this
I'm not crying yet, not saying a word
He asks if we should talk inside instead of here
And I numbly say yes

As we sit down on another couch
That my girlfriend and I have watched
Many movies on time and time again
I begin to tear up, the first time in a long time

Silence hangs over us, neither one wanting
To break such a delicate thing
But I eventually do and it nearly kills me
I get about five words out before the tears come
It's the first time I've truely cried in a long time

As the words drunkenly come out from me
My dad sits in silence, drinking in my words
He too is hurt, maybe worse than I am
I wouldn't fault him if he began yelling

But the man who I have looked up to
For all my life, does not yell, does not explode
He simply talks, he's good at that, being a pastor
A small relief it is to know that I'm not berated
Outcasted and ostracised by my family but it's a small one

He talks of love and my relationship
He talks of what could have happened
He talks of his fear of my girlfriend being pregnant
I then laugh like an idiot and tell him no

He speaks of grace and forgiveness as I cry
The tears escaping from years of being damed up
He talks of how I won't be healed until I
By my own grace, forgive myself for what happened
For what did happen and what might have happened

He tells me that grace and forgiveness
Will bring a closure that I can't find anywhere else
So as I cry, my broken soul cries out
A shattered cry of pain and regret

As my dad finishes talking to me
I can't help but wonder how we got here
How I ended up having this conversation
My thoughts are not about being caught
No, they're about the temptation that I fell to

As my dad leaves to go get ice cream
I can only think about regret and pain
For that is all I feel right now
It maybe the only thing I can feel from now on

The End

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