like there's nothing else

i feel like i'm floating, 
staying up until it's 3:45 AM
and my head is spinning
and i suddenly can't breat h e 

but that's okay

i guess

and so i'll paste on a smile, 
figure out a way to mimic the facial expressions
i'm supposed to know from heart

heart, what heart?
people act like we've got souls
and maybe we do
but i've never seen one

so i'll just be here, 
riding the high of too little sleep
until my body crashes abruptly down
from my adrenaline rush

and i forget who i am

goddamn do i hate dissasociation, 
everyone so grounded and connected around me, 
but i'm just suspended, 
lost in space, 
trying to understand what it means to be human. 

and maybe i don't get it, 
but my hands dance across the keyboard, 
nimble in the way they never are otherwise, 
and i grimace at papercuts

but i suppose i should sleep 
though i don't desire to, 
because we're all just rotating 
through a pre-set day

scheduled, organized, 
written on the calendar 
and penned down. 

so here's to my inevitable 
fall, failure, 
hands clawing at nothing
and voice red raw from 
nothing at all. 

here we go. 

The End

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