ripped sticky notes like lost memory threads tied in nooses around my skeleton fingers

my hands clink like shy glasses 
wine sloshing from my veins 
a red delight, a pale moonlight 

my father holds my hand, 
my fingers curling around his larger ones, 
his weathered palm rough against mine 

i am a young child once again 
yellow sundress 
and white socks with lace trim
thin bleach-blonde hair 

my locks like blinds 
shuttering down across my face 
because if they can't see me they can't know me 
can't know the empty silent goblet of my skull 

blood and brains and rattling phrases 
slipping, sliding, slopping over the edge 
i am older 
i am older 
i am older, teenage, less than female 

tea bleeding from me like my watery sins
palms in open supplication 
cupping rivers of all the things i will think but never say 

drafts: (416)

i think theres something wrong 
i think you and me are broken 

she said i wasnt worth it she was right wasnt she 
s he told me i was too mu uch trouble to love e 

i a m a toxi cc person to love and i am nto easy y  to love  
why do youu sttay

i love you i lovve you im sorr y 

pllease dont t leave me  

w wh y 

com e back please 

i love you i lo vve you 

drafts: (409)

i cough lies that stick to the back of my throat 
cough syrup for the dead 
drink up, it's only a bit of cyanide, dear 
dear dear dear dead 
just a letter away from condemnation 

leaking sunlight like bright tears 
burning acid 
burning my eyes into pale, faded blue moons 

i loved you 
i loved you 
please just don't come back. 

The End

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