I was over there, just around that corner.
There was a group of young girls;
About 20 of them, eight to twelve years old
...all wearing purple shirts;
sitting on the grass, having a picnic.
I had been with people, my friends;
talking, hanging out, whatever.
But I strayed from the group.
I walked over to little girls having a picnic.
I must have had some intention,
but I don't even remember thinking at the time.
As I got nearer to them, two of the girls got up and came to me.
When they got to me, I had a knife, and I stabbed one of them.
Then I stabbed the other one.
I didn't know why I was doing it.
I was just doing it.
The other girls started screaming,
and then crying.
And I continued to stab the two girls, now lying on the ground,
over and over and over again.
Blood was everywhere.
I stabbed until my arm was too tired to stab any more.
Then I stabbed with my left arm until it was tired as well,
until the surge of whatever had happened to me was over.
I stepped back and was instantly overwhelmed by guilt, and sadness.
All the girls at the picnic were sobbing hysterically,
and they hated me.
They feared me.
They glared at me with such animosity...
I felt horrible, for what I had done to these two innocent little girls,
and also... what I did to all the other girls.
Their lives were now completely changed.
They had seen something so incredibly terrible...
a betrayal of the human race.
It was more than a person killing a person,
it was a person killing two innocent children.
And I had no reason at all!
I just wanted to.
I didn't understand it. I still don't.
All those girls are now going to learn that some people are just like that.
Some people are just cruel, horrible people.
I should be punished.
I should not be allowed to live freely.
I should not be allowed to live at all.
Who am I to be free to roam the streets, doing as I will,
if what I will is this?
if I can't control myself enough not to murder people on a whim?
I felt so horrible.
I wandered away, down the alley,
away from my spectators.
Ohhh they hate me so much.
Once, I turned back to look at them, and they were still there.
Some were huddled around the two lifeless bloody bodies,
and the rest were too shocked, afraid to go near them,
afraid to leave them,
and certainly afraid to approach me.
Most of them wouldn't even look at me.
But the ones who did... I'll never forget the way their faces made me feel.
I understand.
I hate myself too.
I continued to walk away.
I thought- if I can just reach the end of this alley,
and turn the corner,
I'll be out of their sight.
It seemed so far away.
If I could get there,
I would be safely away from the memory of that insane thing I did.
It could be forgotten... ignored...
I could still be allowed to live freely...
But really, that seemed like a punishment.
It would be impossible to live on, supressing this.
No one was following me. Those girls didn't know me.
My friends can vouch for me that I was with them when it happened.
My friends... what if they get blamed?
Will they know I'm the one who wandered off? And...
Why did I have a knife?
When did I pick up a knife?
I don't understand!
Anyway, I made it to the corner and turned,
and there you were.
A priest.
You looked like you were expecting something...
I think you knew that I had something important to tell you.
I didn't feel like I had a choice.
So I've told you.
I don't expect you to forgive me, or to save me from anything.
I know you won't make anything better.
I just shouldn't have done what I did.
I made a mistake
There's no turning back, is there?
No one can forgive me, because I didn't hurt just anyone.
I hurt everyone, and that's who would have to forgive me.
Mankind, all of them,
would have to forgive me, if I'm going to be forgiven.
and that's impossible.
Everything would have been better if I had never existed.

Well, what are you going to do... Father?
Are you going to tell on me?

The End

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